I was a different person back in August 2008. Different, yet the same. I don't know. I had an interesting summer, busy with work, grad parties, vacation, camp, and the mission trip to New Orleans. I think that trip in itself was a big wake-up call that something was about to change. The whole trip didn't seem right in some odd way, but it ended up being an amazing experience. I wish I could go back now, the person I am today, and see how things would go. Very rarely in life do we realize how good something is until it is gone. As I stated in my long post about that trip, I learned a lot about myself. I realized how clingy and needy I was, how vulnerable I could make myself, how I was ready for bigger and better things. High school was an amazing experience and I loved so much of it, but I think I always knew I was waiting for something more. I was tired of the little things that brought me down. I knew I would have the comfort of my close friends and family to keep me grounded all at the same time. On that New Orleans trip, the reality of Amy leaving shortly after shook us all up. It became very real. Our strong group of friends was going to be separated into different cities (and even different states) and that was scary. Not too much longer after that, I was bound for New Wilmington, PA for band camp. The day before I left, I remember having to get up for the cleaning lady (like today) and taking a longggg hike at Hartwood by myself with my camera in tow. I knew I was ready. I was nervous and scared, but I had a sense of excitement and anxiousness of the next day's events. I think if I hadn't had band camp to kind of "cushion" me into college, I would have been a lot more petrified, but I wasn't. So, the very next day, I went to school...my home for the next nine months.
I will be the first to tell you that band camp was the absolute BEST way to start college. Hands down. It was the same way in high school. What better way to meet a huge group of the student body and get acclimated BEFORE college even starts than by marching on a football field in the hot August sun? Every evening was filled with mandatory fun and it was a blast. Most of my friends are banders and I met them during that week. I can't wait for band camp again, this time as band officer and with the knowledge of what REALLY goes on during band camp. By the time Fresh Start rolled around, I was already settled in and comfortable.
Sunny Second South in Galbreath Hall was the most amazing hall to live on. I couldn't have asked for a better freshman dorm experience. Ali and I live so well together and my neighboring ladies will always be friends of mine. I will never forget the good times in the study lounge, Halloween decorating, movies, and good conversations. I remember seeing other halls and getting annoyed by them and laughing because that was never the case in our hall. I can't thank my lovely ladies, my AMAZING RA/twin Kayla, and my roomie enough for such a great experience.
I think the best thing that occurred freshman year was I Eta Pi. The formation of this "forority" created the very best friends I have at school. I honestly don't know how it all happened, but it did. It's changed a bit since the beginning of the year, but for those that have remained, I can't express how much I loveeeee them. I'm not really sure how Ali and I are the only girls in such a group, but that is ok with me :) So many movie nights, Family guy marathons, brunches, dinners and lunches, outings, parties, private jokes, great times... not to mention our total domination at VolleyRock this year! I love each and every member and I am so happy to have them in my life. I look forward to so many more memories next semester!
No year reflection would be complete without a glance at my love life from the past 9 months...In high school I always told myself that it would get better in college, that if I could just wait, I'd see. And well, I suppose that's very true, though in the beginning I didn't think it would be. I got caught up in some really stupid situations and I got hurt first semester, but I learned. I learned that you should always follow your heart. You know that voice inside of you that tells you when something's not right and you KNOW deep down what you should be doing? Yeah, listen to it. Your conscious can help you. Not saying that taking risks and being unpredictable is a bad thing, but if you can tell you're going down the wrong path, then stop yourself. But then again, some things are inevitable and unstoppable and they are, in fact, necessary to go through. I can't say I'm exactly happy that I went through a particular situation and I wish I hadn't, but at the same time, I learned, I grew, and I wouldn't be where I am now if it weren't for it. Throughout it all, though, he remained. My love. Being with Aaron right now makes every heart ache, every pain, every tear completely and utterly worth it. Just this past weekend we celebrated our five month anniversary...I can't believe how fast it all went by and yet at the same time, how short that is! We started off as friends and now we're best friends and together...nothing could be better. For once, I feel completely like myself and truly happy and content. He fits into my life better than I could have ever dreamed. It's like my past finally makes sense...God had a plan for me and for him and we're living it. I don't know what the future will bring, but I am excited and happy. I love him :)
Going away is the easiest way to discover what's important to you at home. Who is really important, what is worth your time, what truly matters. My truest friends revealed themselves. My family and I have grown, even while we were apart. I realize that certain things aren't worth worrying about. I guess it's all a part of growing up. While I always thought I was a pretty mature person growing up, I discovered that I am more so now..that I don't fuss about the same things. I'm not so naive and I am more aware of the world around me. I have a TON more to learn and discover, but it's a comfort to know that I'm growing.
It's weird to think that in just a few years, relatively speaking, me and my peers will be finding jobs, getting engaged, moving away...it's so strange. I witnessed one (sort of two) engagements at school, which was awesome. People get pinned all the time. It's just like wow I can't believe that people only two or three years older than me are experiencing that. It just seems like all of that, even finding a job and such, is so much farther away than it really is. I don't feel like a college aged kid like I thought I would. It's scary and exciting all at the same time.
Ohh, can't forget greek life. Never in a million years did I imagine that I would join a sorority. Seriously, I would snub greek life just because the media did nothing to help my image of it. It just didn't seem right for me. I just thought it was a group of really pretty girls that drank a lot and were really catty...your stereotypical image. And to be perfectly honest, I really don't think I would join one anywhere but Westminster. On a campus where greek life is over 50% of the student body, it's a litttttttle bit different than say, Penn State. I won't lie and say that it's all happy, yay-sisterhood!!, but it has truly been a wonderful experience so far. The rules (mostly from nationals) about dirty rushing and recruitment and so many little things are ridiculous and during first semester, I was still unsure. I never considered it until I found out so many of my older friends were involved. Though I thought I knew a lot about the different groups by the end of my first semester, I was wrong. I became so much more aware of the campus in general and the various groups of people after I went through the entire process and for that, I am glad. Formal recruitment was absolutely ridiculous. It was really stressful, confusing, exhausting, and conflicting, but fun at the same time. I am so glad I got to meet so many people. And pick up day was really great. Being on that stage, with all of the screaming people and balloons and sweatshirts and flowers and flashing lights and raising that card to say "KD" was so exciting. And then of course being pummeled by my new sisters was awesome. I think every sorority has something great to offer and I like girls in each and every one of them. I am especially proud to be a KD lady and I love my sisters very much. Again, I never thought I would live in the sorority dorm, even after I joined, but alas, Ali and I are living in the KD suite next year. It's crazy! I couldn't be more thankful to be a part of such a classy group of girls and to have experienced so many mixers in addition to formal, greek week, and other special activities. Being involved with the fraternities has been nice too. It's really weird to look at a campus by its greek life, when you really think about it...to classify people by their group, but at least at Westminster, we try to forget those barriers. We're all friends with each other. I will never let a sorority/fraternity get in the way of my friendships and relationships. I'm really excited for the fall with my sisters and to get to experience everything on the other side.
I've been writing for an hour now and I still feel like I have a billion things to say, but not sure what. It's kind of weird how a break from school works. You get used to home so very quickly, it seems. I believe people can adapt to anything, and it's almost shocking how fast it can be sometimes. Right now, I still feel like this is only a short break from school, but at the same time, I am already used to home and staying here for awhile. I went to Westminster for graduation two days ago and it was really strange. I tried my titan card on Galbreath just out of curiosity and it didn't work. It was like a reality check that Hey, I don't live there anymore. In fact, I doubt I will ever live in Galbreath again. So strange. It's sad. But I gotta get used to it!
Well, I think I will talk about this past week because my life has been flipped upside down and right-side up in such a short period of time. Last Tuesday, I got awful news that one of my best friends from middle school, Emili, had died suddenly. I honestly thought it was a joke for a few hours. I shrugged it off, hoping that I was right in denying it. The old group of friends got together at Tori's house and that's when it became real. I was in shock. How could someone so bright and talented, someone so sure of herself, someone with the world at her feet die? Emili lost her mother just months ago to cancer, but it seemed as though her life was going well. I hadn't talked to her in some time, but I never stopped thinking about her from time to time. We never had a falling out or a fight...we just lost touch. We still cared about each other. I feel sick that I couldn't go to her mom's funeral and show her I was there for her. All week, I kept thinking of random memories of her...things I hadn't thought about in so long: Junior high youth group, random St. Mary's dances, Good Charlotte concert, eating enchiladas that her dad made, her obsession with those nasty taquitos or whatever those things are called, her basement, her tire swing in her back yard, going to fashion shows with her mom at St. Barnabas, her amazing room and all of her beautiful clothes, her eye for fashion, sitting next to her in band, her laugh, how she could totally beat you up if she wanted to, fighting with Jani, calling a boy on her car phone in the driveway, sleepovers, long yearbook entries, dances, and so much more...She was a great friend. We always knew she'd grow up and do something great, like become a doctor or a lawyer. I had no doubt that she'd do it too. I wish I could have talked to her again, just to see how she was doing. The last time I saw her was when she was working at J.C. Penney's, maybe two years ago. I am going to miss her very much. Thanks for being a part of my life, Emili.
Getting together with the old group of friends was strange. It was nice to catch up with them again and I hope to keep in better contact with them. But at the same time, it really showed me how much has changed and how different we all are. Losing them was such a difficult time for me, back in around 10th grade, but seeing them all again together made everything that happened make a lot more sense. I'm not sorry that it all ended, just thankful that it did happen. So many of my memories revolve around my time with them. I just hope that we can all stay in touch, just like I wish I was able to more with Emili. Her death has reminded me that the people I meet in this life all have something to offer me, they are all important and I should never take anyone for granted. Life can be so short and it's crucial that it should be LIVED. Emili always did what she wanted. She never feared anything. I envy that kind of feeling. I hope that I can always strive for my dreams and live life and experience new things.
I have about 20 minutes before I can go home and I am thankful that I had this time to write and reflect. I really need to do this more often. It's time for me to start doing things now that I've had the chance to relax (well sort of) at home for a week. I don't start work for a month...which is so frustrating...but I hope I can do some useful things with the time I do have. Perhaps I should make a list. I love lists. I want to read more books, sell some things on Craigslist, what else? I need some ideas.
I also realized, yet again, how dismal it is that there is nothing to do without money around here, except watch movies and take walks. Which is fine and dandy, but after awhile, it gets old. I will have to be creative!
Alright, time to go waste time checking the same lame websites over and over before I can go home. There, I did it. :)
1 comment:
hmm...very nice. always a pleasure to read your posts!
let's be creative together! with stuff to do in the evenings and on the weekendssss!!
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