Fall, already?

I can’t even begin to tell you how crazy it is that it’s already officially fall. It’s late September and I’ve been in college for over a month. I feel like I’ve been here for so long and I’ve changed so much in such a short amount of time. I’m still the same me, yet different. It’s a weird feeling.

I LOVE college. I love it so incredibly much. I love Westminster. I love my roomie, Ali. I love I Eta Pi (my “forority”). I love being done with classes by 11 A.M. (with the exception of band and German). I love making my own decisions about everything, having the power to choose, and learning from the things I do. I love talking to my friends at home and at other schools. I love writing letters and (though rarely) getting things in the mail. I love band, even though rehearsals are tedious and time consuming. I love being silly. It’s all been such a good thing for me, a great change in my life.

I hate to be the stereotypical teen that goes away to school and comes back all like “I LOVEEE college so freaking much! High school is soooo retarded. Lalala Just wait until you go to school, just wait till you’re as awesome as me in COLLEGE. Yay college! Oh em geeee.” You know what I mean. I try my best not to do that. To my H.S. friends, please tell me if I’m ever like that.

I’ve definitely changed since I’ve been here. Even after one week of band camp, I realized it. Band camp was such a great experience. It was a breath of fresh air after Hampton band the past four years. People just listened and did what they were told, and got things done. And guess what? We still had a blast. I had mandatory fun activities every night, but they were sooo much fun. I wouldn’t have wanted to go into college any other way. My friends there are just incredible. I was able to get situated and comfortable before everyone and meet so many people. Once everyone else came, it was weird that we had to do the whole meeting people process all over and have to repeat your name, major, and where you’re from many many times. Eventually though, time passed and we got past all of the crazy beginnings. I remember talking to Brian and he pointed out that I was not the girl he took on the mission trip just weeks before. I reread the post previous to this one and while I LOVE the realization I came to on that trip, I knew I wasn’t that girl anymore. I’ve started the process of becoming the woman I’m supposed to be. I can’t really pinpoint everything that’s different, but I know I’ve learned the little things—like living with someone, compromising, time management, making my own decisions, learning from mistakes, taking control of my life. It’s exciting and crazy all at the same time.

This change was evident when I went home for the first time, for a Friday night. I also don’t remember/am too busy to call my parents very often, which I feel horrible about. That in itself says I’ve changed. But anyway, when I went home, I went to the Hampton football game and when I went down to see the band, I saw how horribly restricted they are. How they endure (how we endured) being controlled with everything. When to sit down, go to the bathroom, what to wear, how to do this and that, when you can get up to get pizza or talk to your friends, just wow… During it, I always complained, but I didn’t realize how bad it was until now. I give major props to my senior friends for continuing to go through this. You WILL get by. It just sucks. Haha.

I hate the fact that I haven’t been able to write. Life has been sooo tiring and busy that I barely have time to sleep or relax, much less write about everything that has been going on. I’m exploding with things to say, but I know so much has happened that I don’t even know where to start. The beginning seems appropriate, but I know that so many things have changed even from that first day. It’s ridiculous. Even now, it’s quite late and I have a 7:40 class tomorrow, but I finally sat down (and the internet isn’t working. Again.) and decided to write SOMETHING.

I am finding it difficult to keep myself accountable for my faith. I try my best to go to church every Sunday, but I haven’t gone the past THREE weekends. I feel awful about it. And the times I have gone, I’ve been so tired. I need to remember what is important and work around that, instead of the other way around. Additionally, I’ve started going to Seekers, which is kind of like a youth group here. So far, that has been pretty helpful, but I still don’t know a lot of the people there, so I’ve been doing a lot of listening (which is good, mind you) but not a lot of participating in discussion or anything. But it’s still pretty cool. Also, I joined gospel choir! It is AWESOME. I love it. It’s so laid back and wonderful. I feel like I can praise God most when I sing, so it’s a great opportunity to incorporate faith with something I love to do. Yesterday, we performed at Victory Baptist church in Ohio and it was crazy. The church was HUGE and it literally felt like I was at a concert. I felt God’s presence, but again, I was exhausted so I found it really difficult to let it fill me up. I need to start taking care of myself more so that I can do the things that are important to me. I also really need to dedicate time to talk with God and read the Bible, something that I’ve always had trouble with. But I need that, especially here, among all of the crazy things going on. Life is so nuts, but He’s the only way I can find calm among the chaos. Remembering that during the day is tough though. I hope I can work on that…

Well there’s more I’d like to say, but I have to remember the importance of sleep and the fact that I have class in the morning. More WILL come later, I promise! (Don’t know when…haha)

***I wrote this yesterday and already so many things have happened, but those will come later...