Sophomore Slump

It’s been about a million and one years since I’ve blogged and the post prior was me ranting about studying (Thanks Tammy, by the way, for the great advice!). So a LOT has happened and, as usual, I am mad at myself for not documenting it. Alas, I shall try my best now.

I curled up in bed typing this (of course, typing it on Pages first since Westminster does not have wireless internet and it is a pain to stretch the cord from my desk to my bed....) since I have the chance to take a break. Can I just say the term “Sophomore slump” has come up once again? I used it four years ago to describe 10th grade and it seems pretty applicable now as well. It’s much different though, of course. I can’t say that this semester is going all that well. It’s definitely not bad--there are some great times--but it’s not awesome either. I think it’s been a real learning experience thus far, and sometimes that’s not enjoyable, but I hope it will be worth it in the end. Actually, I’m confident it will. It seems like the rest of my peers have been experiencing this as well. And we all relied on the fact that everyone else says sophomore year is the worst and it gets better. So I’ve been clinging to that notion that it’s all good once I get past this year--if I can just get by a little longer, it will pay off. But my roommate brought up an interesting point. She had been talking to a friend from home who is also a sophomore at another school and she was discussing how this year has been going (poorly) and he replied that having that idea that it gets better NEXT year or LATER or another time isn’t the right way to live. Instead of accepting that it’s going to be a drag or that it’s going to be difficult, make the change that makes it better. Of course, that is easier said than done and it takes more than just a change within one’s attitude to make it all “better,” but it is definitely a much more optimistic and intelligent way of looking at things. It’s going to take some time, but I hope I carry on that outlook as opposed to my current take.

One of my last real posts was about band camp. I can’t believe how long ago that was. I feel so different from that time and place, yet I also feel stagnant in my disposition as a “slumpy sophomore.” (That’s attractive.) It’s weird. Band has been interesting this season. I have really enjoyed it, particularly being an officer and a year older and all of the fun it brings, but I certainly was over marching band long before I should have. Every year, you reach a certain point when you’re ready to move on from something. For marching band, that usually occurs three quarters of the way into the season. This year, however, it occurred right around the first couple of games. It’s rather sad, considering that leads to poor attitudes about commitments during games and festivals, but at least I am not dreading it now. Only the weather makes me miserable. One more game to go next weekend and it is Senior Recognition. I can’t believe one year ago, we were watching Darnelle getting recognized. So sad. Now it’s Nick’s turn...wahh..It’s going to be so so weird without him. I miss Darnelle terribly...I wish she would come visit!! But anyway, overall I’m happy with how the season went, but I am definitely ready for it to end.

I’ve become even more involved on campus this semester, if you can believe that is even possible. As far as Kappa Delta goes, I’ve been doing a lot. I became the sophomore member of Standards board and accepted the appointed office of Historian. I am also on the Recruitment and Girl Scout committees. Currently, we are undergoing the process of electing a new council and I am applying for VP of Membership (aka recruitment) and VP of Membership Education. I have to turn in my application by tomorrow at midnight and will interview sometime next week. Should be interesting! If I don’t make council, I was nominated to attend PELC (Presidents and Emerging Leaders Conference) at KD Headquarters in January! So either way, I am pleased.

In addition to Kappa Delta, I am in Wind Ensemble now (by luck and default, to be honest, as I didn’t have to audition) and that is fun. We have a concert on Friday. Anddd I auditioned for Dance Theater and I am in Ali’s Kickline number to Dreamgirls “One Night Only.” I think I made it mostly by default, as well, but I’ve been enjoying it so far. It’s definitely something new.

I have to make a decision incredibly soon about auditioning for Chapel Drama or not this year. The auditions are tomorrow or Thursday. They are doing “Honk!” this year. I have been making a pros and cons list and I’m still unsure. The pros: I love musicals, singing, and dancing, I would get to be with Alyssa when she comes back from London, and I have been doing shows for 4 years now. The cons: I don’t want to kill myself by adding something else to my schedule. It’s a lot to think about and I don’t want to regret it...but I have to sacrifice something. One part of me says why not since I only live once and even if it’s crazy busy, I’ll get to do it and have fun. The other part says to me it’s not worth compromising my attitude or my free time or my academics for a show. I don’t know! At this point, it looks like I’m not auditioning, especially considering I don’t even know what I would sing. I just don’t remember what it’s like not to be in a musical at some point of the year. I will probably regret it when I go see the show and realize I could have been up on that stage and to have those memories with my castmates, but I have to give somewhere. If there’s something I’ve learned in college, it’s that as much as I want to do everything, I can’t. I have to give up some things in order to do others, even if I love them. Like Gospel Choir, for example. I love it and if I had the will power, I could make rehearsals, but I just have too much going on and it’s been placed at the bottom of the list. In a way, it’s really sad since that’s a big way for me to worship, but I think it will all work out in the end. Another thing that I feel sophomore year is all about is the feeling that everything has become a chore--an obligation, a requirement, a time commitment. Things that are supposed to be fun (and you signed up for with that intention) are just one more thing to add to the schedule. That’s not right at all. I’ve been trying to realize that and perhaps that is why I am not signing up for Honk! this year. I don’t want things I really enjoy to turn into something I resent and regret. Ah so contradictory.

I’ve been tutoring at the Walker House, in the Southside of New Castle. That has been an interesting experience for me. Because I am the only tutor that comes on Fridays and that is their “fun” day, I act more like a babysitter than a tutor. It’s frustrating for me because I chose Walker House to work with the older students, and yet I am babysitting the youngest children of the group. But I’ve learned that this whole program is bigger than me. It may be a requirement I am doing for school, but they need our help. They need my help on Fridays. They could not run smoothly and successfully if I wasn’t keeping watch of those kids while the others were learning. God has created this safe environment for them to come after school, where they can feel loved and cared for, and I am just a part of that. It doesn’t matter that I’m not getting the exposure to older students... it matters, but not in this case. What matters is that I help them. It gets annoying and sometimes I wish things were different, but I just remember that and I do it for the kids and for the adults there. I don’t get boastful of this and feel all high and mighty; in fact, it humbles me. I am so blessed with family, friends, school, a safe and comfortable home and environment, and the endless possibilities for learning and growing. Going to the Walker House reminds me of that.

I had a really fantastic weekend. On Friday, Aaron and I went to the outlets and to Thiel to visit his sister Sarah. That was lots of fun as always! Saturday, we had made plans to go to the zoo! It was SOOOO much fun! It was chilly and rainy so there weren’t many people there and the animals were out and moving around. We had a blast. Afterwards, we went to my house and surprised my family. We were able to relax and eat dinner with them. We traversed all over Butler to find Aaron a Halloween costume (and a little girl was saying in the next aisle “No one would wait until now to buy a costume!” hahahaa) and eventually made it back to school. It was an interesting night, but a very good one. All in all, a wonderful weekend and I’m really thankful for it.

Anyway, I am hoping to take a nap before my next class as well as get some work done. So byeeeeeeee.