Thoughts and Ramblings

Autobiography

2010-02-05T14:02:00.002-05:00

I'm pretty disappointed that I didn't do my annual "yearly review" when the new year began since it has been my tradition for the past million years, but oh well. When did something so important to me (like documenting a year in the life) just suddenly doesn't matter to me anymore? I don't know if I like that or not. The other day I got really nostalgic about my childhood, specifically my time spent in Ford City, and I got really upset thinking about how things have changed and I don't know if it has been a good change or not. More good than bad, certainly, but the family is even dramatically different...it's just a weird feeling. The fact that I didn't even get to spend Christmas with either side of the family (with the exception of the two families that live within 10 minutes of me) due to weather and other complications...I would never have agreed to that even months ago. I don't know...life is just so crazy sometimes.

I feel weird writing this blog post right now because we're talking about blogging in my Autobiography class and the reasons or motives behind the blogger--whether it's egotistical or a cry for attention or if it's just to document every little thing you do each day ("Today, I woke up and then I brushed my teeth. I made a bagel in the toaster with cream cheese. I walked to class and....."). And is it worth reading? Do you have to be a celebrity or someone with authority to be "worthy?" And I wondered about my motives in writing this blog. I don't feel like I'm particularly egotistical or anything...at least I hope not! I don't want the whole world to read this, but yet I want a few people to. It's rather paradoxical. I think it also has to do with the fact that things are so fast-paced nowadays that it's easier and more efficient to type everything out than to write it down in a notebook. (Sad.)

Now I don't even feel like finishing this post. There is some rendition of "Man, I Feel Like a Woman" coming through my wall that I can't concentrate. More later. :)

Sophomore Slump

2009-11-03T13:21:00.000-05:00

It’s been about a million and one years since I’ve blogged and the post prior was me ranting about studying (Thanks Tammy, by the way, for the great advice!). So a LOT has happened and, as usual, I am mad at myself for not documenting it. Alas, I shall try my best now.

I curled up in bed typing this (of course, typing it on Pages first since Westminster does not have wireless internet and it is a pain to stretch the cord from my desk to my bed....) since I have the chance to take a break. Can I just say the term “Sophomore slump” has come up once again? I used it four years ago to describe 10th grade and it seems pretty applicable now as well. It’s much different though, of course. I can’t say that this semester is going all that well. It’s definitely not bad--there are some great times--but it’s not awesome either. I think it’s been a real learning experience thus far, and sometimes that’s not enjoyable, but I hope it will be worth it in the end. Actually, I’m confident it will. It seems like the rest of my peers have been experiencing this as well. And we all relied on the fact that everyone else says sophomore year is the worst and it gets better. So I’ve been clinging to that notion that it’s all good once I get past this year--if I can just get by a little longer, it will pay off. But my roommate brought up an interesting point. She had been talking to a friend from home who is also a sophomore at another school and she was discussing how this year has been going (poorly) and he replied that having that idea that it gets better NEXT year or LATER or another time isn’t the right way to live. Instead of accepting that it’s going to be a drag or that it’s going to be difficult, make the change that makes it better. Of course, that is easier said than done and it takes more than just a change within one’s attitude to make it all “better,” but it is definitely a much more optimistic and intelligent way of looking at things. It’s going to take some time, but I hope I carry on that outlook as opposed to my current take.

One of my last real posts was about band camp. I can’t believe how long ago that was. I feel so different from that time and place, yet I also feel stagnant in my disposition as a “slumpy sophomore.” (That’s attractive.) It’s weird. Band has been interesting this season. I have really enjoyed it, particularly being an officer and a year older and all of the fun it brings, but I certainly was over marching band long before I should have. Every year, you reach a certain point when you’re ready to move on from something. For marching band, that usually occurs three quarters of the way into the season. This year, however, it occurred right around the first couple of games. It’s rather sad, considering that leads to poor attitudes about commitments during games and festivals, but at least I am not dreading it now. Only the weather makes me miserable. One more game to go next weekend and it is Senior Recognition. I can’t believe one year ago, we were watching Darnelle getting recognized. So sad. Now it’s Nick’s turn...wahh..It’s going to be so so weird without him. I miss Darnelle terribly...I wish she would come visit!! But anyway, overall I’m happy with how the season went, but I am definitely ready for it to end.

I’ve become even more involved on campus this semester, if you can believe that is even possible. As far as Kappa Delta goes, I’ve been doing a lot. I became the sophomore member of Standards board and accepted the appointed office of Historian. I am also on the Recruitment and Girl Scout committees. Currently, we are undergoing the process of electing a new council and I am applying for VP of Membership (aka recruitment) and VP of Membership Education. I have to turn in my application by tomorrow at midnight and will interview sometime next week. Should be interesting! If I don’t make council, I was nominated to attend PELC (Presidents and Emerging Leaders Conference) at KD Headquarters in January! So either way, I am pleased.

In addition to Kappa Delta, I am in Wind Ensemble now (by luck and default, to be honest, as I didn’t have to audition) and that is fun. We have a concert on Friday. Anddd I auditioned for Dance Theater and I am in Ali’s Kickline number to Dreamgirls “One Night Only.” I think I made it mostly by default, as well, but I’ve been enjoying it so far. It’s definitely something new.

I have to make a decision incredibly soon about auditioning for Chapel Drama or not this year. The auditions are tomorrow or Thursday. They are doing “Honk!” this year. I have been making a pros and cons list and I’m still unsure. The pros: I love musicals, singing, and dancing, I would get to be with Alyssa when she comes back from London, and I have been doing shows for 4 years now. The cons: I don’t want to kill myself by adding something else to my schedule. It’s a lot to think about and I don’t want to regret it...but I have to sacrifice something. One part of me says why not since I only live once and even if it’s crazy busy, I’ll get to do it and have fun. The other part says to me it’s not worth compromising my attitude or my free time or my academics for a show. I don’t know! At this point, it looks like I’m not auditioning, especially considering I don’t even know what I would sing. I just don’t remember what it’s like not to be in a musical at some point of the year. I will probably regret it when I go see the show and realize I could have been up on that stage and to have those memories with my castmates, but I have to give somewhere. If there’s something I’ve learned in college, it’s that as much as I want to do everything, I can’t. I have to give up some things in order to do others, even if I love them. Like Gospel Choir, for example. I love it and if I had the will power, I could make rehearsals, but I just have too much going on and it’s been placed at the bottom of the list. In a way, it’s really sad since that’s a big way for me to worship, but I think it will all work out in the end. Another thing that I feel sophomore year is all about is the feeling that everything has become a chore--an obligation, a requirement, a time commitment. Things that are supposed to be fun (and you signed up for with that intention) are just one more thing to add to the schedule. That’s not right at all. I’ve been trying to realize that and perhaps that is why I am not signing up for Honk! this year. I don’t want things I really enjoy to turn into something I resent and regret. Ah so contradictory.

I’ve been tutoring at the Walker House, in the Southside of New Castle. That has been an interesting experience for me. Because I am the only tutor that comes on Fridays and that is their “fun” day, I act more like a babysitter than a tutor. It’s frustrating for me because I chose Walker House to work with the older students, and yet I am babysitting the youngest children of the group. But I’ve learned that this whole program is bigger than me. It may be a requirement I am doing for school, but they need our help. They need my help on Fridays. They could not run smoothly and successfully if I wasn’t keeping watch of those kids while the others were learning. God has created this safe environment for them to come after school, where they can feel loved and cared for, and I am just a part of that. It doesn’t matter that I’m not getting the exposure to older students... it matters, but not in this case. What matters is that I help them. It gets annoying and sometimes I wish things were different, but I just remember that and I do it for the kids and for the adults there. I don’t get boastful of this and feel all high and mighty; in fact, it humbles me. I am so blessed with family, friends, school, a safe and comfortable home and environment, and the endless possibilities for learning and growing. Going to the Walker House reminds me of that.

I had a really fantastic weekend. On Friday, Aaron and I went to the outlets and to Thiel to visit his sister Sarah. That was lots of fun as always! Saturday, we had made plans to go to the zoo! It was SOOOO much fun! It was chilly and rainy so there weren’t many people there and the animals were out and moving around. We had a blast. Afterwards, we went to my house and surprised my family. We were able to relax and eat dinner with them. We traversed all over Butler to find Aaron a Halloween costume (and a little girl was saying in the next aisle “No one would wait until now to buy a costume!” hahahaa) and eventually made it back to school. It was an interesting night, but a very good one. All in all, a wonderful weekend and I’m really thankful for it.

Anyway, I am hoping to take a nap before my next class as well as get some work done. So byeeeeeeee.

I don't think I can study properly.

2009-10-07T21:34:00.002-04:00

It's amazing to realize how much things have changed in the past decade, especially with studying. I am writing because I wanted to take a break from studying for my Ed Psych midterm tomorrow. I couldn't help myself from logging onto this website because the computer is right in front of me (even though I actually made it into the library...I'm still not apart from technology). I could barely concentrate on the homemade study guide I made on my laptop (yep, it's an integral part of studying for me), and I kept looking at my phone for text messages and continuously logging in to see if my email worked (which, by the way, doesn't, because Westminster email/internet=sucky). It's absolutely pathetic. I'm not trying to say I can't be a good studier because I can. There are times when I can get sucked into the material and I am not distracted by anything...but how often is that? As someone who doesn't study or hasn't studied much, I find it difficult when I do. I think study skills range for everyone and for me, it often involves typing up my own study guide on the computer or rewriting it out on paper and looking over it. The process of writing/typing it out is where I study the most. It's hard to concentrate on the words once their printed out and I'm just looking at it unless I'm asking a friend questions or vice versa. This is my problem currently, as I am just staring at my beautifully highlighted (another distraction/procrastination) study guide. I'm watching other people in the lab doing their work and wondering what they are going through or what they are thinking about. I just can't believe how much my mind is doing at this very moment. This age of multitasking is absolutely ridiculous sometimes. I pride myself on being a very good multitasker and it's proven to be extremely helpful in my life. But sometimes I wonder what the detrimental effects society and the media and technology are for our generation, and for myself. Though I get by pretty darn well and I love technology, I wonder what life would be like if it were a lot simpler...Fewer distractions, fewer worries, less stress, less grief. Now that I reread this and I think about it, I really believe I need a break. I am typing rather quickly and I can tell that my thoughts are just itching to spill out. Fall break is just around the corner, but to get there, I know I have to face this ridiculously busy Homecoming weekend and one more week after that. I just need to endure. Okay, well I will probably delete this later. Back to "studying."

I am not feeling the creative juices today to come up with a title!

2009-09-07T20:44:00.002-04:00

So I thought I'd update about this past week.

By now I've had all of my various classes. I mentioned about Math Perspectives and Jane Austen already. But I am also taking Ed Psych, which is pretty fun because I have a really good class. My professor also starts out with an ice breaker every class, which is cool because we can keep track of them and use them in our own classrooms. I will have to do some observations (probably over Fall break) and another practicum experience. I think I would like to tutor this semester at the Walker House in New Castle, so we will see how that goes. I am also taking Bio 101 this semester. It's not going to be too bad, but I will probably just find it more of a waste of my time, especially considering the three hour labs we have on Wednesdays in addition to class three days a week. But once I complete this semester, all of my IP's (Intellectual Perspectives required at WC) will be completed so I can focus on my major and minor. I could potentially pick up another minor too, if I wish. So we'll see. Not sure exactly yet. But I'm also in symphonic band, of course, which is marching band right now. Which leads me to my next bit of news...

I decided once again NOT to try out for Wind Ensemble, mostly because I get very intimidated by such a short period of time to learn/practice the audition piece, I am terrified because I don't have any teaching assistance to help me beforehand (like in HS, where you ran the piece with the entire band, at least a few times before an audition), and I was just busy with everything else going on. So auditions came and went, 8 clarinets trying out and filling up the 8 slots. As luck would have it, one clarinet has dropped out for some reason, leaving an opening. Dr. Greig asked Ben if he wanted to fill it again, but he is overbooked this semester. So that left me. And I can fit it in my schedule so I took it! I am also hoping to get into Wind Ensemble next year because the group is going to Scotland! (I know. ds;gjalsdgjs;adgj) So I hope this year helps me improve so that when I actually...you know, try out, I can hopefully make it. But now that gives me another class that meets three days a week...yikes.

In addition to joining Wind Ensemble, I've been getting involved in new things. At our first KD meeting, we needed a sophomore for Standards board (ask if you want to know more about it), so that ended up being me....cool. And then I was asked if I would like to be an appointed officer as Historian. That would mean I would make scrapbooks, send monthly reports to nationals about what the sisterhood is up to, not just with KD events and activities. So I think that would be pretty cool, so I accepted. And I guess I'm part of recruitment committee now? I'm not really sure, I just went to a planning meeting and then my name got put on the list...oops. But that's fun too. I figure that this semester I don't have such a ridiculous schedule (except on Wednesdays...and it's probably a lot worse than I think once I continue to get more work) so why not get involved in things that are going to benefit me? My extracurriculars are going to be Gospel Choir and Seekers and MAYBE chapel drama...I don't know. Lambda Sigma and Kappa Delta Pi won't take up too much of my time. Ah, so much. :) I love it. Hopefully I won't be hating myself though...

Jane Austen is definitely a killer. Reading Northanger Abbey and preparing a presentation in a week was a challenge. I even paced myself and read every single day, but it was stressful knowing I had lots of pages to go yesterday. But I made it through! Only five more of her works to go? I really like that class though. It makes me happy to enjoy English classes because it reassures me that I am supposed to be an English teacher. I think I've found that my focus is going a lot more to my future career this semester, not that it didn't my freshman year, but more so it seems. I feel more confident than I used to. I still need to gain experience with middle and high school students though. It'll come though.

This past weekend was kind of a letdown overall, to be honest. Friday night was the Gateway Clipper dance and I loved getting dressed up all pretty and Aaron looked amazingly handsome. Once we got on the boat (after enduring ANNOYING girls, probably drunk, singing christmas tunes and yelling at our bus driver), we found that we weren't in much of a dancing mood. This is extremely surprising for both me and Aaron, as we used to take full advantage of our past dances. But I think we just chalked it up to the ridiculousness of the past week. We enjoyed watching the city go by, but it was freezing even with a sweater. Possibly the biggest reason why we didn't enjoy ourselves as much was because the music was awful. I can usually tolerate bad songs, but only when they throw in some good ones to keep me going. This DJ did not at all. So that was depressing. But what can you do? We ended up not getting home until 4 AM and then had to get up early the next day. Aaron and I watched his sister run in her cross country meet at 10 AM and then got ready for our first football game. As most of the band had gone on the boat, everyone was just dead and we also hadn't practiced much so the game was destined to be a fail. The show went surprisingly OKAY and it wasn't a disaster, but it could've been so much better. The game itself was so boring and obviously we lost. It was just really crappy to have to sit there for the second half...but we made it through. Afterwards, I fell asleep.

The evening was just as ehh as the rest of the weekend. I went to my mixer, which was just okay and was going to go out, but cautioned not to because of how crazy it was going to be, ended up having to read Northanger Abbey in my bed on Saturday night. Woo. Oh well, whatever. I woke up for church on Sunday morning and then went to brunch. After lots of homework, I had dinner and then the KD meeting I mentioned previously. So yay. I hope that this coming weekend is more fun.

Anyway, I'm off for now! Cross your fingers that I don't get the swine flu...our first case has cropped up!

And so it begins again!

2009-08-31T13:56:00.004-04:00

I finally have a little breathing room today so I decided I needed to update about the past two weeks. It's so crazy that in such a short span of time I've finished working, come back to Westminster, gone through band camp, packed my life away into boxes and hung it up in a new room, made new friends, connected with old friends, gone home for the day, played a new board game, danced, slept in, and so much more. Needless to say, it's good to be back.

Where to begin? So much to say. I finished up my last week at Playcamp on a great note. I loveee my kids and my coworkers. It was a very bittersweet end to the summer. I was excited about what was to come, but I was also sad to leave everyone, especially when I knew there was still a week left of camp that I was going to miss. But alas, I was free! I spent the next couple of days packing and preparing for the craziness that was ahead.

On Tuesday, the 18th, I left for Westminster two days prior to band camp. On one of the hottest days of the summer, my family and I dragged all of my crap up to the 3rd floor of Ferg...only to find that I did not have bathroom stalls or shower curtains. LOVELY. That problem has eventually fixed itself, but I took two showers without curtains and had to use other bathrooms on other floors for about a week. But anyway, I wasn't feeling too great about Ferg, but currently I am pretty happy about it. After settling in a bit, I joined the other band officers down in the music department and Dr. Greig took us all out to dinner at Lanigan's, an Irish pub and eatery. That was a ton of fun. It made me feel so great to be back. The next day, we woke up bright and early and spent the day organizing, planning, and setting up for the next day. We also picked up a golf cart that we got to use for band camp!!! It was sooo awesome. Hahaha.

Anyway, the next day was band camp!! Band camp is one of those things, at least at Westminster, where you are completely excited because it's awesome, but you also have to take a step back, breathe a few deep breaths, and then dive in. It's absolutely exhausting, both physically and mentally, and it takes a lot of will power, but it's also really rewarding and fun. We met all of the new clarinets and realized just how AMAZING the section was going to be. The week was great. The drill looks really nice, the music is getting better each practice, and we had a really great time. Mandatory fun nights were all successful! I really enjoyed my experience as an officer...getting to know Dr. Greig has been extremely valuable and fun. The other officers were a blast to work with and I loved having some leadership and responsibility.

(Okay, so I wrote that yesterday and now I have another chance to continue writing...) Once band camp ended last Thursday, Fresh Start began, meaning Aaron and I had a weekend to ourselves to relax and hang out before everyone else arrived and classes started. On Friday, we slept in and took a little road trip back to my house to drop off some things and pick up a few items I had forgotten. My parents took us out to dinner and then we went to Target before relaxing a bit and making the trip back to WC. That evening, we played the most amazing game with Ali, Derek, Alyssa, and Milt. It's called the Game of Things and it's like a cross between Apples to Apples and Balderdash. I loveeee it. That was awesome. The next day, after sleeping in, Aaron and I went to Marks Music, Sheetz, a toystore, and then to Thiel to see his sister's new apartment. We had a really good time. It was great to see Sarah too. After a much needed nap, we went to the J.D. Eicher and the Goodnights concert on campus, which is always wonderful. I was happy to see my freshmen bandies enjoying themselves. Finally, we took a late night run to Walmart and crashed. Sunday morning, I accidently didn't get up until noon (oops). Aaron and I went to lunch, played N64, ate dinner, and took a nap. I had my first official hall meeting for the year and then we joined the freshmen at the Reggae dance. It was a good time. I tried to get a lot of things accomplished yesterday (Monday) and still ended up finding myself with nothing to do. Hahaha oh Westminster. It was such a great weekend though and VERY much needed after such a ridiculously crazy week.

Today was the start of classes! I always get that nervous/anxious/excited feeling before classes begin and this year was no different. I don't think I had as much time to comprehend or realize what was about to start, however. Or maybe I just didn't really worry so much. Who knows. I woke up at the dreaded hour of 6:30 AM (this will soon change) and got ready for my 7:40 Math Perspectives II class. It ended up going really well. I like my professor and it wasn't too painful. We went the entire hour and half though and I went straight to my Jane Austen class. I think I am going to loveeee this class, except it's going to be a ton of work. I already have to read Northanger Abbey and do a report/presentation for next week. Yikes. But my professor is so passionate about Jane Austen so that just makes things that much more exciting and enjoyable. Later on today I have my Ed Psych class, so that should be interesting. I hope it goes well. I know I will have to do another practicum experience, so that is both nerve-wracking and exciting. Tomorrow I luck out and don't have class until 10:30 (on MWF's), but it's Bio 101, so ew. And I have a lab. And band rehearsal...that's going to be a slight disaster, considering it's our only practice before our first game on Saturday! But yay!

This weekend is going to be awesome also because the Gateway Clipper Dance is on Friday! I can't WAIT. Ahh, it's so wonderful to be back. My goals this semester are to spend more time with new people, work really hard in my classes, and participate in things that are really going to benefit me and my future career. So, cross my fingers and hope that it all goes well!

Things are winding down

2009-08-09T16:30:00.003-04:00

I guess I didn't realize when I last posted that I would be leaving for school in exactly one month. Now it's down to nine days before I move myself into Ferg and start my second year of WC band camp. And I am SO EXCITED.

I feel like a lot of things have happened since I last wrote. I hung out with some friends, worked of course, oh, and turned 19 finally. My birthday was interesting. Aaron came the day before and celebrated with me. We had a fun time together, even though we didn't end up making it to Station Square for dinner. I was just happy that he was with me. On my actual birthday, I went to church and then family came over for a late lunch and dessert. It was pretty fun, but nothing too extraordinary. I was able to go out to dinner with Amy, Karen, and Megan at Applebees though and that was a good time. Amy and I got sung to (free dessertttt). Afterwards, all of us headed to the church to say hi to Brian, but that was kind of an epic fail. Alas, I became a year older. I am happy to say that I did not get my wisdom teeth out, go to Cedar Point, or get hit in the head with a frisbee this year. Woo!

Hmm...I really can't remember what else I've been up to. Aaron's visited a couple times and I've gone out to Agawam, which is always a highlight. :) I finally met up with Alyssa at Panera and we talked forever...so awesome. I also hung out with Katelyn and Jill one night at Starbucks, which was a lot of fun. I hadn't seen Katelyn since last fall and Jill since Christmas break so it was so nice to catch up. Ummm other than that, I guess just work. As I've mentioned before, I really love work. There's been so much drama recently, but it's all fun. We unfortunately had a big injury this past week, but luckily our little Katie will be alright! I have one week left and while I am really pumped, I am reallllly going to miss these kids. I have been so fortunate and blessed to have this job and it is going to be sad when I have to say goodbye. It's also hard to know that these kids probably won't remember me after a certain amount of time. But I hope that I've had some sort of effect on them, whether they remember or not :) Aww playcamp.

I've been packing a lot this weekend. My dining room is covered with all of my crap and while the pile is growing and growing, I am not done yet! I hope that packing now will prevent me from becoming stressed out later this week, even though I know the minor freaking out is inevitable. It's so weird to think about how I felt a year ago about leaving for school...scared, excited, nervous, uncomfortable but accepting, ready for something new. And now I feel extremely excited and anxious and just a little bit strange just because I've grown so accustomed to this summer routine and now it's all going to be different...but that's definitely good. It's also really crazy that I am moving in on the 18th and yet classes don't start until September 1st. Not that I'm complaining...I am not quite ready for the studying and homeworking and what not yet. Because I am a band officer this year, I am moving in early (two days before band camp) so I'll be able to get settled in and ready for my SIXTH year of marching....ahhh. That's kind of ridiculous hahahaha. It's things like band camp/marching band that I know are really awesome and fun, but I have to take a deep breath beforehand because I know how much work, time, and effort it takes. But it's so great.

You know, overall, I'm pretty pleased with this summer. It's weird for me to admit that, since I didn't do all that much, but I'm okay with that. I had fun for the most part and I did everything right with jobs and making money and also spending time with Aaron. I do wish I spent more time with friends, but I've had fun and it's not quite over yet :) I'm going to do my best to make the most of this week and enjoy it. I hope I'll be able to write an update soon once I get back to school...cross my fingers. I regret not making the time last year, but it's so damn hard! Let's see how it goes this year!

Stickers, Half-Blood Princes, and Road trips

2009-07-18T11:35:00.004-04:00

Wow! What a week. I am so exhausted from this week, but it was definitely a good one.

On Monday evening, Amy came over and we wrote letters and put together care packages for Karen and Megan at camp. That sounds innocent enough, right? Well, let's just say we went a litttttle bit overboard. And by a little, I mean A LOT. I brought out all the stickers I've had since fifth grade (Lisa Frank, those round stickers you got in machines at the grocery store that say like "Princess" and other stupid sayings, scratch and sniff, Britney Spears, and other random things) and we printed out pictures to put all over the boxes, insides and out. It was so much fun. We wrote letters to them and Leila and also Harry Potter valentines to Joel hahahaha. That ended up being a success! Good times.

Aaron came to Hampton on Tuesday evening on his night off! That is always such a great time. We ate dinner with the fam and then headed out to get a red box movie and we ended up at Ross Park Mall. I came up with this shopping game and we played it: We set a price limit and a time limit (well the mall kind of decided that, as it closed at nine) and went off in our own directions in search of an outfit for each other! It was a ton of fun and actually a lot more difficult than you can imagine. I probably had it easier than Aaron though, considering guy's clothes are so much easier to put together (They only have like a handful of different styles of things to choose from hahaa...). Anyway, I ended up getting him a bright blue polo and plaid shorts and then just because I got him a button up shirt. He got me a really pretty flowery top with a blue cami underneath and then this jean skirt, but that part didn't fit me. So we will have an excuse to go shopping again...yesss haha. But if you're ever bored at the mall, it's a fun game to play. We spent the rest of the evening watching the movie and hanging out.

Wednesday was a tiring day, but it was Harry Potter 6 day! After work, I got ready as fast as I could and Amy and I ventured out to the Mills to see Half- Blood Prince. I really liked it! They did change some things and I do think some of it was a little questionable (Burrow scene?), but I actually didn't mind for once. Normally, I raise all hell about changes in the movie, but it was well done. AND they finally got the humor from the books to come across! I laughed so much. I was really pleased and entertained all throughout. Afterwards, I realized I left the lights on my car (Grrrrrrrr.) sooo I had to have my dad come and jump my car. Annoying. But I finally got home and to bed.

On Thursday, Beth and I decided to trade shifts and see how it went. I worked from 8:30-4:30 and it was great. I enjoyed that much more than mine. It's amazing the difference one hour makes. I don't know if that will be a permanent change or anything, but it was good. Work is always fun, albeit exhausting. I really enjoy it though. There has been some drama this past week with staff, but that's to be expected. This Thursday, past staff members (that ended on a bad note with playcamp) came to the pool and caused a few problems. Mind you, these people are in their 20's and they are all there to get a rise out of everyone? The kids were all flipping out, excited to see them and not listening to our instructions. It was just like Wow, really? I just wonder why some people can't just grow up and let go of the past and not act like five year olds. Ohhh well. Anyway, I recently posted my American Girl Doll items on Craigslist and I had a guy come look at some things Thursday evening. He bought three things for $52! I was excited. I think Craigslist is a really good idea and a great alternative to eBay. Sure, it's a little annoying having to meet with the people, but you avoid fees and it's less of a hassle in my opinion. So hopefully the rest of the items will sell too! Mom and I also ventured out to TJ Maxx and Marshall's, but to no avail.

Anddd that brings me to yesterday. Amy and I took the day off for a road trip to Erie, PA for the Camp Lambec Music Camp concert. We started off a little after ten and headed up to Westminster for our first stop. Because it was the day before NWMC (http://nwmcmission.org/content/2009NWMC.aspx), delegates were already arriving. Low and behold, we saw Nolan and also Ginny Dawson. It was so great to catch up with Nolan. We also went in the TUB and I was so surprised to see that the "TV room" was changed into a new little coffee/cafe type room! That should be cool. Amy and I also tried to find the tower in Old Main haha, but that was an epic fail. Hahaha. Anyway, it was really great to be back and I felt really ready to be there all the time, on my own again. ONE MONTH till I go back! We left WC and headed to the outlets where we visited Derek at the Fudgery! It was so nice to see him and we witnessed a little bit of the Fudge jingles that he has to sing. After a little bit of shopping, we left for the Meadville Crackerbarrel (Lambec tradition). Due to construction, we got a little messed up and had to back track (hahaha) but we made it eventually! It was like 3pm and we hadn't eaten lunch yet so we were starving! It was a prime time to go and we were there for literally twenty minutes or so. Awesome. And then we were on our way to Erie! The plan was to go to the beach at Presque Isle. We did make it there, but it was pouring and cold. Figures. Hahaha but as luck would have it, Renee was one beach down from us and we met up! Ahhhh sooo great to see her! We went to her house and talked a bunch and went in her hot tub in the rain. It was so much fun. I miss that girl...wow. Then we were off for our last little leg of the trip to Camp Lambec! Due to the weather, the concert was moved to Springfield Elementary, so we weren't able to see the actual camp :( That was sad. But we arrived and managed to get really good seats.

The concert was really great. The band portion was how it always is...both blah and amazing at the same time. When you really consider the multitude of fourth graders playing in the same band as counselors that have been playing forever...it's truly incredible. I am really proud of Kristen and the work that she has done taking over for Ted. The styles of music they played were great choices too. But as always, band takes the back seat at music camp. The real fun begins with the choir. The music this year was really fantastic, even if it wasn't as musically challenging. Seeing Karen and Megan and the counselors up there...wow. It was really really hard. I started to get tears in my eyes during every song and it took everything not to cry. I was so surprised. I didn't realize how much I missed it until then. I didn't think it would affect me that much. It's so hard not having that in my life anymore. I realized how much I missed God's presence in my life so strongly, how much I've distanced myself from Him. I also realized how badly I want to be in a choir like that again. Hearing the harmonies and seeing the faces of all the kids really into what they were singing...I just wanted to stand up there with them. I knew the words to two of the songs and sang them in my seat...and I just felt like I needed to be up there on stage. It was definitely tough and it took me by surprise. But I was so happy to see Karen and Megan performing for the last time. After the concert, we were able to catch up with our favorite campers and counselors, which was awesome. It felt different this time, in a very good way. I felt like I could actually TALK to them. In the past, I've felt maybe intimidated or just not as close to them as I'd like to be to strike up a lot of conversation, but it was really nice this time. Amy, Karen, Leila, and I definitely got our creeper picture with Joel, of course! I am so proud of Karen for teaching the little cabin 6 girls about 1,2,3- Stare at Joel! It was just kind of a glimpse at how much I've grown and yet how much I loved about who I was even before college started because I had this camp. I just hope that other people have the same experience I did with music camp. I will never forget it. After the concert, Amy and I took the journey home, beat from the whole week!

And now I am just relaxing today. I woke up and my back is absolutely killing me. I have no idea how or when, but I must have pulled a muscle because it really hurts. Oh well. I will live. I don't know what the rest of the weekend will bring, but I am looking forward to just hanging around. Whew, what a week.

Westminster Nostalgia

2009-07-10T23:56:00.003-04:00

It is starting to hit me that there are quite a few things that will be different once I return to Westminster next month: Alyssa, Milt, Megan, Kristen, Renee, Rose, some of my KD ladies and other friends will be in LONDON studying abroad and therefore, unless they come to visit, I won't see them until spring :( :( :( And I don't know how to do this whole college thing without my favorite seniors, especially Darnelle. I just can't do it. Sorry, but you have to return your diplomas and come back. This is non-negotiable.

Anyway, as I've mentioned previously, I have been thinking about Westminster a lot and missing school tons. I am incredibly excited for this coming year. I am so anxious for school to start, but I also keep telling myself that I don't want to wish away these college years...so I suppose that includes summers too. Regardless, I can't help but start calculating how many days until I go back (37 days, in case you were wondering). I am so ready for band camp and knowing everyone and meeting freshmen and clarinet awesomeness and mandatory fun...soooo fantastic. And I am just ready to start fresh. I want to be a good friend, really fun and happy and just open to meeting new people and spending more time with different people. I also want to work really hard academically. I think I need to challenge myself more and maybe take on some new things. I'm just really looking forward to it all. Ahhh, SO MUCH FUN. I don't care if there is nothing to do in New Wilmington. It's so much better being bored on a college campus than being bored in Hampton. I am also pumped to take road trips to different friends' colleges. That will be lots of fun :)

Anyway, I am up too late hahaha even if tomorrow is Saturday. Good night!

So

2009-07-06T19:34:00.002-04:00

Is it sad that I watch the Bachelorette and that I look forward to it every Monday night? And that it is probably the most exciting thing I do for most of this week? So pathetic hahahahaha.

Wow

2009-07-05T16:27:00.002-04:00

I can't believe I've had this blog for over a year now and I have been doing such a poor job at keeping it up! I am happy to say that I haven't given up on this website, as I have with xanga and all of those other silly sites...but I wish I would write more. Alas, that is my thoughts every time I sit down and start blogging, so I'll just move on.

This has been a really interesting summer.

Though there are a million and one words that could describe this break, I can definitely agree on the word "interesting." It's been boring, very boring in fact, fun, sad, exciting, eventful, non-eventful, monotonous, enlightening, confusing, scary, wonderful, amazing, blah, pretty much everything under the sun. I guess I'm not used to this kind of summer. At least I was prepared for it and this time, I don't consider my summer a disappointment. Instead I just think of it as that's how it is. The first summer after starting college isn't the same fun and games as the past summers have been. No more mission trips, no more Lambec (so sad...). All of the constants of summer are taken away and replaced by one goal: making as much money as possible. And then making fun during the few breaks/weekends available. I'm not going on vacation this summer and I don't have a random work schedule. Now I have a steady 40 hour work week Monday through Friday and not much else planned. Am I making the most of my summer? Not really. I guess I appear like I'm not doing anything else and that's not true. I've gone to three grad parties, seen Legally Blonde the Musical, gone to a Pirate game, and I see Aaron pretty much every weekend if possible. But I am kind of in this weird funk where I don't really mind that I spend a lot of time relaxing at home and I don't really feel like seeing people. Is that weird? I loveeee talking to people all the time, that won't ever change. But I don't know...I guess combining tiredness with not wanting to spend money and there being nothing exciting to do in Hampton doesn't leave me with much enthusiasm to do anything. Luckily I finally got paid so I can do more things, but what exactly? I feel like I probably should stop wasting my life by sitting around, but at the same time, I think it's nice to have a break.

As for my job, I lucked out this summer. The last time I wrote, I was worried because my job wouldn't start for an entire month, leaving me with an empty wallet and a LOT of time. Fortunately, I was told about Hampton's need for a substitute paraprofessional so I applied and soon found myself called into work. I worked for four hours at Poff one day and then had a steady two week job at Central. I was mostly a clerical aid, making copies and signs and doing projects for teachers, but I also did the bus room in the morning and watched the kids at recess. It was definitely a valuable learning experience. I got to see things from the paraprofessional point of view at a school and how teachers interact with them and with each other. I am pretty sure I was the youngest person they've ever hired for that kind of thing, so I'm proud and I hope that I was able to bring more credibility to people my age. I think I worked really hard and I received some positive feedback. I think it's really important to put your name out there and establish yourself as a good person and worker, especially in schools where it's really competitive to get a job. I would love to work at Hampton some day or schools like it, so I hope this will help me in some fashion.

Once school ended, my official job for the summer began. I work at Summer Playcamp in the community. I used to go there as a kid, actually. It's for children whose parents work during the summer. The kids come to the community center for organized games in the gym, crafts, free time, snack, and lunch, and then we take them to the pool for the afternoon and end at the pavilion and playground. I absolutely love the job. I have always enjoyed working with kids, but this has been a very wonderful experience. Almost all of the kids are a joy to work with and I really love spending time with them. I won't lie and say it has been all fun and games though! It has certainly been exhausting and stressful. I get very frustrated at some children or situations, as to be expected. But over all, I really really like it. I think all of my working experiences have been really helpful and valuable, especially this one. I am also happy with the staff. We get along fairly well and we even have a Biggest Loser competition going on, which is fun. I definitely won't win that, but it's a good idea.

What an awesome fourth of July! I can't believe that a year ago I started this blog while I was at the beach in Cape May and I wrote about my disappointment over the rainy fourth and somewhat missing the celebrations at home. This year, Hampton decided to hold its activities only on July 3rd to cut costs. I did not have to work on Friday (!!) so I had a really great day off, shopping and relaxing. In in act of sheer boredom, Amy and I decided we would attend the fireworks at the park. I arrived early and walked around by myself and then with Megan and her friends for awhile, realizing how out of place I felt. Amy arrived and we both walked around, trying to avoid people we didn't want to see, and thinking how lame the whole thing was. The fireworks were nothing exciting. It was just like wow, how different this was a few years ago when going to the park for the 4th was a big deal. Not that I'm complaining that things are different now because I'm glad, but it was just weird. And spending a long time in traffic afterwards (even after leaving early) just emphasized that it wasn't really worth it. Luckily I had Amy with me! The fourth, however, was a blastttttttttttt. I drove up to Camp Bucoco to see Aaron and we spent the whole day together. We went to Westminster for a picnic. That was really strange. I have been really nostalgic recently about school, so being on the empty campus was a crazy feeling. I had a blast and I can't wait to go back. Then we went to the outlets for a bit, back to camp for an extremely short swim, out to dinner at The Brewery in Slippery Rock and then to Harrisville for a fair/fireworks. I had so much fun. It was definitely the best day of the summer and one of my favorite days of all time.

I have barely taken any pictures this summer and that makes me sad :( I want to change that. Things to look forward to for the rest of month:

Harry Potter 6 comes out July 15th

Hopefully getting July 17th off to go to the Lambec concert

Birthdays! Amy's and Mine :) (which I haven't even like thought about at all...)

Okay that's a short list. I need to fill it up more! Gahhhhhhh. I need a life.

Roomie love.

2009-05-27T21:39:00.000-04:00

xalipabsx: i went in, and they were like "ohhh we're not hiring for just summer, we need long term"
lilburdeezy: no one can work long term at BUILD A BEAR! they wouldnt apply there if they could!
lilburdeezy: kappa delta should go to build a bear
xalipabsx: haha omg!!! i should have put that on my resume!! be like... "look... i am tight wit da bair! aight?!"
lilburdeezy: damn you so would've been hired

Here goes...

2009-05-18T08:29:00.000-04:00

Well, I'm sitting in Panera at like 8:30 AM on a Monday morning, basically kicked out of the house because of the cleaning lady. So I have a few hours to waste time on my laptop (nothing new there) and do Sudoku and read. I figured this would be the best opportunity to finally blog a reflection about the past year as well as about this past week. There is just such a huge expanse of events and feelings and thoughts to cover that it's very overwhelming. I'm not quite sure how to begin or how much to include or if I can even complete such a long task. But I am determined to try and capture what this past year has meant to me because it's changed my life forever. It's a little difficult considering I'm not able to look back at specific journal dates that talk about things that I did and faced since there was never enough time to really write...I shall try my best though!

I was a different person back in August 2008. Different, yet the same. I don't know. I had an interesting summer, busy with work, grad parties, vacation, camp, and the mission trip to New Orleans. I think that trip in itself was a big wake-up call that something was about to change. The whole trip didn't seem right in some odd way, but it ended up being an amazing experience. I wish I could go back now, the person I am today, and see how things would go. Very rarely in life do we realize how good something is until it is gone. As I stated in my long post about that trip, I learned a lot about myself. I realized how clingy and needy I was, how vulnerable I could make myself, how I was ready for bigger and better things. High school was an amazing experience and I loved so much of it, but I think I always knew I was waiting for something more. I was tired of the little things that brought me down. I knew I would have the comfort of my close friends and family to keep me grounded all at the same time. On that New Orleans trip, the reality of Amy leaving shortly after shook us all up. It became very real. Our strong group of friends was going to be separated into different cities (and even different states) and that was scary. Not too much longer after that, I was bound for New Wilmington, PA for band camp. The day before I left, I remember having to get up for the cleaning lady (like today) and taking a longggg hike at Hartwood by myself with my camera in tow. I knew I was ready. I was nervous and scared, but I had a sense of excitement and anxiousness of the next day's events. I think if I hadn't had band camp to kind of "cushion" me into college, I would have been a lot more petrified, but I wasn't. So, the very next day, I went to school...my home for the next nine months.

I will be the first to tell you that band camp was the absolute BEST way to start college. Hands down. It was the same way in high school. What better way to meet a huge group of the student body and get acclimated BEFORE college even starts than by marching on a football field in the hot August sun? Every evening was filled with mandatory fun and it was a blast. Most of my friends are banders and I met them during that week. I can't wait for band camp again, this time as band officer and with the knowledge of what REALLY goes on during band camp. By the time Fresh Start rolled around, I was already settled in and comfortable.

Sunny Second South in Galbreath Hall was the most amazing hall to live on. I couldn't have asked for a better freshman dorm experience. Ali and I live so well together and my neighboring ladies will always be friends of mine. I will never forget the good times in the study lounge, Halloween decorating, movies, and good conversations. I remember seeing other halls and getting annoyed by them and laughing because that was never the case in our hall. I can't thank my lovely ladies, my AMAZING RA/twin Kayla, and my roomie enough for such a great experience.

I think the best thing that occurred freshman year was I Eta Pi. The formation of this "forority" created the very best friends I have at school. I honestly don't know how it all happened, but it did. It's changed a bit since the beginning of the year, but for those that have remained, I can't express how much I loveeeee them. I'm not really sure how Ali and I are the only girls in such a group, but that is ok with me :) So many movie nights, Family guy marathons, brunches, dinners and lunches, outings, parties, private jokes, great times... not to mention our total domination at VolleyRock this year! I love each and every member and I am so happy to have them in my life. I look forward to so many more memories next semester!

No year reflection would be complete without a glance at my love life from the past 9 months...In high school I always told myself that it would get better in college, that if I could just wait, I'd see. And well, I suppose that's very true, though in the beginning I didn't think it would be. I got caught up in some really stupid situations and I got hurt first semester, but I learned. I learned that you should always follow your heart. You know that voice inside of you that tells you when something's not right and you KNOW deep down what you should be doing? Yeah, listen to it. Your conscious can help you. Not saying that taking risks and being unpredictable is a bad thing, but if you can tell you're going down the wrong path, then stop yourself. But then again, some things are inevitable and unstoppable and they are, in fact, necessary to go through. I can't say I'm exactly happy that I went through a particular situation and I wish I hadn't, but at the same time, I learned, I grew, and I wouldn't be where I am now if it weren't for it. Throughout it all, though, he remained. My love. Being with Aaron right now makes every heart ache, every pain, every tear completely and utterly worth it. Just this past weekend we celebrated our five month anniversary...I can't believe how fast it all went by and yet at the same time, how short that is! We started off as friends and now we're best friends and together...nothing could be better. For once, I feel completely like myself and truly happy and content. He fits into my life better than I could have ever dreamed. It's like my past finally makes sense...God had a plan for me and for him and we're living it. I don't know what the future will bring, but I am excited and happy. I love him :)

Going away is the easiest way to discover what's important to you at home. Who is really important, what is worth your time, what truly matters. My truest friends revealed themselves. My family and I have grown, even while we were apart. I realize that certain things aren't worth worrying about. I guess it's all a part of growing up. While I always thought I was a pretty mature person growing up, I discovered that I am more so now..that I don't fuss about the same things. I'm not so naive and I am more aware of the world around me. I have a TON more to learn and discover, but it's a comfort to know that I'm growing.

It's weird to think that in just a few years, relatively speaking, me and my peers will be finding jobs, getting engaged, moving away...it's so strange. I witnessed one (sort of two) engagements at school, which was awesome. People get pinned all the time. It's just like wow I can't believe that people only two or three years older than me are experiencing that. It just seems like all of that, even finding a job and such, is so much farther away than it really is. I don't feel like a college aged kid like I thought I would. It's scary and exciting all at the same time.

Ohh, can't forget greek life. Never in a million years did I imagine that I would join a sorority. Seriously, I would snub greek life just because the media did nothing to help my image of it. It just didn't seem right for me. I just thought it was a group of really pretty girls that drank a lot and were really catty...your stereotypical image. And to be perfectly honest, I really don't think I would join one anywhere but Westminster. On a campus where greek life is over 50% of the student body, it's a litttttttle bit different than say, Penn State. I won't lie and say that it's all happy, yay-sisterhood!!, but it has truly been a wonderful experience so far. The rules (mostly from nationals) about dirty rushing and recruitment and so many little things are ridiculous and during first semester, I was still unsure. I never considered it until I found out so many of my older friends were involved. Though I thought I knew a lot about the different groups by the end of my first semester, I was wrong. I became so much more aware of the campus in general and the various groups of people after I went through the entire process and for that, I am glad. Formal recruitment was absolutely ridiculous. It was really stressful, confusing, exhausting, and conflicting, but fun at the same time. I am so glad I got to meet so many people. And pick up day was really great. Being on that stage, with all of the screaming people and balloons and sweatshirts and flowers and flashing lights and raising that card to say "KD" was so exciting. And then of course being pummeled by my new sisters was awesome. I think every sorority has something great to offer and I like girls in each and every one of them. I am especially proud to be a KD lady and I love my sisters very much. Again, I never thought I would live in the sorority dorm, even after I joined, but alas, Ali and I are living in the KD suite next year. It's crazy! I couldn't be more thankful to be a part of such a classy group of girls and to have experienced so many mixers in addition to formal, greek week, and other special activities. Being involved with the fraternities has been nice too. It's really weird to look at a campus by its greek life, when you really think about it...to classify people by their group, but at least at Westminster, we try to forget those barriers. We're all friends with each other. I will never let a sorority/fraternity get in the way of my friendships and relationships. I'm really excited for the fall with my sisters and to get to experience everything on the other side.

I've been writing for an hour now and I still feel like I have a billion things to say, but not sure what. It's kind of weird how a break from school works. You get used to home so very quickly, it seems. I believe people can adapt to anything, and it's almost shocking how fast it can be sometimes. Right now, I still feel like this is only a short break from school, but at the same time, I am already used to home and staying here for awhile. I went to Westminster for graduation two days ago and it was really strange. I tried my titan card on Galbreath just out of curiosity and it didn't work. It was like a reality check that Hey, I don't live there anymore. In fact, I doubt I will ever live in Galbreath again. So strange. It's sad. But I gotta get used to it!

Well, I think I will talk about this past week because my life has been flipped upside down and right-side up in such a short period of time. Last Tuesday, I got awful news that one of my best friends from middle school, Emili, had died suddenly. I honestly thought it was a joke for a few hours. I shrugged it off, hoping that I was right in denying it. The old group of friends got together at Tori's house and that's when it became real. I was in shock. How could someone so bright and talented, someone so sure of herself, someone with the world at her feet die? Emili lost her mother just months ago to cancer, but it seemed as though her life was going well. I hadn't talked to her in some time, but I never stopped thinking about her from time to time. We never had a falling out or a fight...we just lost touch. We still cared about each other. I feel sick that I couldn't go to her mom's funeral and show her I was there for her. All week, I kept thinking of random memories of her...things I hadn't thought about in so long: Junior high youth group, random St. Mary's dances, Good Charlotte concert, eating enchiladas that her dad made, her obsession with those nasty taquitos or whatever those things are called, her basement, her tire swing in her back yard, going to fashion shows with her mom at St. Barnabas, her amazing room and all of her beautiful clothes, her eye for fashion, sitting next to her in band, her laugh, how she could totally beat you up if she wanted to, fighting with Jani, calling a boy on her car phone in the driveway, sleepovers, long yearbook entries, dances, and so much more...She was a great friend. We always knew she'd grow up and do something great, like become a doctor or a lawyer. I had no doubt that she'd do it too. I wish I could have talked to her again, just to see how she was doing. The last time I saw her was when she was working at J.C. Penney's, maybe two years ago. I am going to miss her very much. Thanks for being a part of my life, Emili.

Getting together with the old group of friends was strange. It was nice to catch up with them again and I hope to keep in better contact with them. But at the same time, it really showed me how much has changed and how different we all are. Losing them was such a difficult time for me, back in around 10th grade, but seeing them all again together made everything that happened make a lot more sense. I'm not sorry that it all ended, just thankful that it did happen. So many of my memories revolve around my time with them. I just hope that we can all stay in touch, just like I wish I was able to more with Emili. Her death has reminded me that the people I meet in this life all have something to offer me, they are all important and I should never take anyone for granted. Life can be so short and it's crucial that it should be LIVED. Emili always did what she wanted. She never feared anything. I envy that kind of feeling. I hope that I can always strive for my dreams and live life and experience new things.

I have about 20 minutes before I can go home and I am thankful that I had this time to write and reflect. I really need to do this more often. It's time for me to start doing things now that I've had the chance to relax (well sort of) at home for a week. I don't start work for a month...which is so frustrating...but I hope I can do some useful things with the time I do have. Perhaps I should make a list. I love lists. I want to read more books, sell some things on Craigslist, what else? I need some ideas.

I also realized, yet again, how dismal it is that there is nothing to do without money around here, except watch movies and take walks. Which is fine and dandy, but after awhile, it gets old. I will have to be creative!

Alright, time to go waste time checking the same lame websites over and over before I can go home. There, I did it. :)

Is it really almost over?

2009-05-05T22:57:00.000-04:00

I am in a really reflective mood right now as I am by myself in my dorm room, packing up my stuff and listening to some calming music. As I look around at my blank walls and boxes and bags piling up, I'm starting to realize that I'm not going to live here in two and a half more days. Ever. I'm leaving school for a long summer. I'm not sure I'm ready to post my "end of the school year reflection" just yet but I wanted to write something.

What a great semester. What an amazing year. I can't find a place to even start without having to write for hours. So many changes, so many new experiences, new people, new problems, new memories. I can truly say at this very moment in time, I am so very happy and content. I don't know what tomorrow will be like and I know it hasn't been this wonderful in the past either...but at this very moment, I am happy. Happy to be living, happy to be breathing, happy to be in love. God has blessed me in a multitude of ways, some of which I am sure I have not even noticed yet.

I'm not ready for this semester to be over. I am certainly grateful that classes ended today and my work load is diminishing greatly. Only three "finals" left...of which one is a test and presentation, one is a "skit," and the other is in-class essays. So I'm pretty happy with how finals week has turned out. But despite that, I don't really know how to handle this kind of an end to a school year. It's not something I've had practice in, really. In high school, when I graduated, saying goodbye was sad, of course, but those people still live there and will be there this summer...But at college, most of those people don't live near you or if they are seniors...who knows when you'll see them again, if you do. I can't bear the idea of saying goodbye to Darnelle, the light of my life...one of my best friends. But I think the only comfort I can gain from this is knowing that our friendship means more and that we WILL see each other again and we will remain friends. Also, work and distance is going to make seeing my friends difficult...and this time it's not just five weeks...it's four months. Summer starts in May, not June. It's just really strange and I'm not sure how to handle it.

It's kind of disappointing because the weather is finally starting to get really nice and there's so much to do on campus on a beautiful day. I love walking around the lake with Aaron and just getting away. Even though it's right on campus, when you get to that other side...it's like you're in your own world, escaping reality. Today I went canoeing for the first time on the lake. It was a blast. When I'm home, who am I going to experience the weather with when the kiddies are still at school and there's work to be done?

Anyway, like I said, my "end of the year reflection" will come soon enough, but I'm not quite ready for that. I feel like it's like every time I've attempted to write this entire year. There's too much to say. I don't know how to put it all into words. But hopefully I'll be able to do that.

Here's to the best year of my life.

Can we just slow down a bit? kthanks.

2009-03-01T22:02:00.000-05:00

After this week, my spring semester will already be halfway over.

What the heck????????

Seriously, where did the time go? I feel like every week we are saying to each other "Just wait until it slows down and then we can do this" or "We are still settling in, things will calm down soon enough..." Guess what? They haven't.

Being thrust into chaos the day I got back to Westminster has been absolutely crazy. It has not slowed down once since. Formal recruitment every night of the first week, then sorority pick up (KAPPA DELTAAAAAA) and classes, and Seussical rehearsals, and then guys pick up and everything just has been a whirlwind. I can't even believe it. So much has been packed into seven weeks. And it's MARCH? Wtf, mate!

It has been such a great semester though so far. Though I would really like it to slow down just a bit, I am really enjoying everything. First, and foremost, I absolutely love getting to see Aaron every single day. He makes every exhausting day so much better, every stressful thought disappear, and every worry or sad feeling into a happy one. We've only been dating for about two and a half months, but I feel like it's been so much longer. He is my everything and I am so proud and honored to be his girlfriend. :) :) :)

Second, Kappa Delta has been such a crazy experience for me. I am really glad I decided to go greek, even though I never ever thought I would. If I were on any other campus, I would not pledge, but I am 100% confident that Greek life at Westminster is unique and wonderful. It was really overwhelming at first because suddenly you had 86 sisters and you didn't know all of them and you were bombarded with everything. It was and still is nuts, but the things I've gained from it--sisterhood, care bears, new friends, new family (mommy!), good times, memories--have been so great and I can't wait to be initiated and see what the next three years bring. Ali and I (even though we didn't want to until the very last minute) are living in the KD suite in Ferg next year, so we're excited! And now our boys are in their little fraternities too, Theta Chi and Phi Tau! yayyy I Eta Pi gone greek...again.

Seussical has been interesting to say the least. Being a bird girl has been my DREAM role since I saw PR's last year. I am so excited to be one. Chapel drama, however, is frustrating because everyone is soooo busy and can't make rehearsals and nothing gets accomplished. But I know, well...I hope anyway, that everything will pull together during tech week. It'll be really laid back, but it's been fun and I'm glad I'm still involved in theater (singing/dancing).

My classes have been going pretty well, just more work than last semester. I'm taking dance as much phys ed and I love it. It comes at a tiring part of the day, but it's been really great at making me exercise and I have really missed dancing. I'm really glad I got to dance, even though I didn't make dance theater. Also, for my Foundations of Education class, I've been doing practicum (observations/tutoring) at New Wilmington Elementary school and I really really enjoy it. I've been working with a fourth grade classroom for two days a week for about 45 minutes each and they are really sweet and fun to work with. It's really reassuring that I really like being in the classroom, but the true test will be when I'm with middle and high schoolers, considering I'm a secondary ed minor.

One thing I really wanted to blog about around Valentine's Day was something I learned about at Seekers. Gary Chapman wrote this book about the "Five Love Languages" and I found it soooo fascinating. There are five languages, or ways that people express and receive love, and they are all of equal importance. The languages include: words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Each person is unique and may express one language and receive the same or another and the other person might be the opposite or something else. Take this quiz to find out your love language: http://www.afo.net/hftw-lovetest.asp

Mine is mostly physical touch, followed by quality time and words of affirmation, then gifts and acts of service.

I got totally off track so I'm just going to end this post for now...Lame, I know, but more later. :)

Home to Home?

2009-01-18T11:31:00.000-05:00

Today I'm leaving my little Hampton Bubble to go an hour north to the Westminster Bubble after five weeks of Christmas break. Now that I've been in school for five months now, it's not uncommon for me to refer to my dorm as my "home." There's this one bumper sticker on facebook (and I can't believe I'm actually using it as a source) that says, "You leave your family to come to college and then you leave your family to go home" and it's true. While my house in Hampton will ALWAYS be my home, I've got a second place full of a million family members.

In hind sight, it seems as though break didn't occur at all. We all expected five weeks to go by agonizingly slow. Or that we'd do sooo many things and get so much done. I know I had the assumption that five weeks meant spending time with the Physics Brigade almost every day and doing everything on the list that Amy and I put together right before break. I guess that was a bit unrealistic, as I soon realized with Christmas and New Years and family and then before we knew it, Amy left for North Carolina and the rest of the brigade went back to high school. Christmas, like usual, came and went so quickly that it always seems like you don't get to relish in the holiday before it slips out of your fingers and you're stuck packing up the ornaments and decoration. It's like you plan for the holiday for so very long and then it's like it never even happened. The week of Christmas was spent visiting and spending time with famiJust the other day marked five months of me being in college, and yet that whole last month I wasn't even on campus!ly, which was simultaneously wonderful and exhausting. Soon after, New Years was on its way. Last time I blogged, I had seventeen days left of break. Now I only have a few hours.

While it all seems like it has passed so very quickly, it also seems as though last semester was simply ages ago. Remember Christmas vespers and making gingerbread houses and finals and even celebrating the New Year? It feels so long ago. It almost makes you want to step back and wonder, "Woah. What just happened to me? Were the past five months a dream? Did all of these changes really occur?" But then it quickly dawns on you that YES, you're about to embark on your second semester of college. How fast things happen. And how easily things change. It's a weird feeling.

I'm going to campus today with such a feeling of excitement. I'm excited for so much about this semester. I have an incredibleeeeeeeeeee boyfriend, an amazing group of friends (both at school and at home), formal recruitment this week, Seussical rehearsals starting up, a Snow ball in a few weeks, and so much more. But with all that excitement brings a bit of anxiety and nervousness. Back in high school, when I anticipated a time of being really busy, I got this feeling of dread because I knew how stressful and tiring it could be. I balanced school with drama club and musical and a million church things and band and friends and family and I often wonder how I even did it. So when I see that even this first week back is going to be so hectic and crazy, I feel that anxiety tugging at me and it's slightly unsettling. I don't want to feel that way again. However, I believe this time it will be different. I've learned from being so busy in high school how to handle it. And I know it won't be as busy as it has been in the past, and that brings me much comfort. At least, I really hope this is the case.

I am leaving home with a bit of sadness too, of course. I didn't get to spend the time with my friends at home like I had hoped. Keeping tabs on each other and investing time in each other's lives is difficult and it takes a lot of effort. Sometimes I forget that...we all do. It's a natural thing. But I want to make that a priority because it is so important to keep these friendships alive and strong. People at home are the rocks of my being, no matter what. I'm also really sad about leaving my family, specifically my mom. This past week, really these past few days, she has finally opened up to me, really getting used to me being home. I felt like for some time there was this distance between us, like I would look at her and though we'd always talk, I'd think that there was a multitude of things left unsaid going through her or my mind. But this past week, I think we finally became that mother/daughter pair that we always were. But unfortunately, now we're going to be separated again. But I have hopes that we'll keep this up throughout the semester.

Well, I am off to finish packing up my things and getting ready. Spring semester, let's make it a good one.

Seventeen More Days

2009-01-02T19:16:00.000-05:00

It's the second day of 2009. Weirdddd. It doesn't feel like any sort of dramatic change has occurred....not that it ever really does. But usually I feel a sense of change or a shift or a new attitude, but nope, not this time really. That's okay though. If 2009 is anything like 2008, then I am in luck.

I suppose I should do my annual reflection on the year, as I always do on the New Year. I kind of already did one on facebook, my 2nd annual "picture recap" of the year with some captions. I have been fortunate the past few years to have kept good journals so that I am ABLE to write these reflections and I think I have a good deal of 2008 written down, except for large chunks of time...mostly towards the end of the year. Figures, you know, when those parts of my life are the ones I wish I HAD recorded. But alas, I shall try my best...

It's kind of funny to open my journal from this past year, considering I made it (well, decopaged it) when I was sitting in "the Spot" at Westminster College on my 17th birthday. I remember specifically saying "I would never go here," using the showers as my justification, never really sure why I felt that way. I think I was so set upon being a Grove City girl that I didn't want to consider it. Funny how things worked out.

But anyway, I started the year off at Jill's house with a group of my friends, hanging around, playing karaoke revolution, apples to apples, watching the ball drop, and being loud and obnoxious at midnight. Always a good time. I think it was becoming a little evident to us, however, that things were changing among the friends. It was senior year, after all, and we were all realizing that we were ready for a change...and while it was hard to accept not being so close to everyone, we all had a common understanding between us that it was O.K. and that we'd still be there for each other if needed.

During the next couple of months, I had a lot of fun with my friends, specifically the Physics Brigade (the name of which didn't come about until July of '08). We went to see a ridiculous version of Sweeney Todd at the Benedum, reenacted said movie at one of the 5th quarters, cooked dinner at my house, etc etc. I also went swing dancing for the first time and it was absolutely AMAZING. It was the perfect way to revive my spirits and get me excited for my future because it was with different people and it had me talking to strangers (not in a creepy way) and trying something totally new.

As I was somewhat saying earlier, I was going through this uncertain situation about college up until late March. I had applied to 7 schools...and had heard from all except for Grove City by this point. It was down to Westminster and GCC, pending on acceptance from there. I knew I should visit GCC before the letter came, just to be sure, but for some reason, I never "felt" like making the trip there and I never wanted to sit in on a class or make the extra effort and email someone. The day I got my rejection letter (well, deferral), it became very clear to me that there were so many times that I was pointing towards Westminster. The fact that I applied on the very last day for the Young Presbyterians Scholarship on a whim. That I went and visited on a day when the school was having a two hour delay and my mom somehow actually took the journey even though she normally wouldn't. That people around me were saying they had a feeling that I was going to go there. And most importantly, that I felt comfortable on campus because I had been there before for NWMC. God was annoyed with me since I hadn't picked up on these things and finally gave me the rejection so that I could say yes already! Haha! And thank Him for that!

Anyway, so the spring mostly involved musical. Ah..musical. I've talked about this a million times, so I'll just briefly cover it. Into the Woods was amazing. I can't deny that. It was also a really tough learning experience. I had to learn to accept not getting what I wanted. But I also realized the importance of appreciating what you do have and making the very best of it. I am so thankful I had Megan and Karen because they made the experience that much better. Musical was a hugeee HUGE part of my high school career. It gave me confidence in myself. I learned that I love to perform--to sing and dance and even act a little. Good times.

Wind ensemble had a very busy year as well. I was glad I finally became a part of wind ensemble my senior year. I lucked out, getting the chance to go to PMEA State Conference, even though it was the previous year's band that won us the spot. Rehearsals were intense and it was a lot of work. We did two adjudications, as well. Finally, we went to Hershey for the conference. It was like a mini-band trip. It didn't really hit us how important and how much of an honor it was until we got there. I am so proud to have been a part of that and to have experienced such a wonderful performance. Definitely the highlight of my "clarinet career."Hahaaaa.

Prom was fun. I went with Craig again and I had the honor of going to his as well! We had fun :)

Oh, the band trip to Indianapolis= sweet. It was a very chill trip, unlike previous trips, but that was nice. I wish we had done a little bit more, since we traveled all that way and we were there and all, but it was still cool. I think it's big flaw was going to lunch one day and then the very next thing on the agenda was to go to Buca de Bepo for our "nice dinner" that we couldn't even eat since we were so full from lunch. Anyway, I've never been a fan of car racing. I always thought it was so dumb. But being there, in the heart of it all, was amazingggggg. It was SO loud and I have never seen so many people in one place. It was awesome. I was pissed we didn't get to watch the very very end, even after we sat there lap after lap for hours. It is kind of funny that it's still entertaining even if it's the same thing over and over, mostly because of the crashes (that all occurred in front of us) and the random fire and HELIO CASTRONOVES. Oh, and seeing Sabrina Bryan and Drew Lachey was a highlight :)

Anddd finally, I graduated! We were all so ready. The last day of senior year was awesome. And on the hottest day quite possibly ever, we finally received our diplomas. You know what the sad thing is, and I'm really admitting my dorkiness here, one thing I'll always remember is walking onto the field to Pomp and Circumstance and being out of step. I couldn't do a hop/skip thing like in band to get back on my left and it just annoyed me the whole way to my seat. HAHAHA what a loser. I'll also never forget that my tassel dropped somewhere after the ceremony (even though I specifically took it off my hat before I threw it) and I was sooo upset and angry that I couldn't enjoy it until my mom stole one off of someone's hat on the ground. hahaha...oh boy. I'm too sentimental for my own good.

Summer involved quiteeee a few things. First, my graduation party which went well. It was somewhat of a reunion of sorts, when Matt and Chris Penco, my old neighbors and first best friends (and Chris is also my first husband) came after not seeing them for like four or five years or so. That was cool. Later on in June, I went on vacation with my family and the Dreese's to Cape May, NJ. It was a greatttt trip and it was there that I started this blog.

Soon after was my last year at Camp Lambec. It was the best year of camp I've ever had. I cannot thank my cabin 8 ladies enough for making it the most memorable and wonderful week. I will always love and cherish the friendships and memories from camp. My summers won't be same without it...my LIFE won't be the same.

On my 18th birthday, I went on a mission trip to New Orleans. As explained in a previous entry, it turned out to be the most amazing and the most awkward trip ever. I didn't realize how awesome it was until I got home, unfortunately. But the awkwardness was evident from the first hours in that van. Hahahaha. Not quite the best birthday I had hoped for (coughFRISBEEcough) but oh well. I can't complain because I was with my best friends. The trip truly helped to make me realize the help that NOLA needs, even now. The hurricane didn't ever affect me, really, not more than just a thought, but now it has real meaning in my heart. I would love to go back and work again.

When I wasn't busy doing all these crazy things, I was working at the good ol' Hampton Pool. I enjoyed it for the most part...it was great to actually interact and talk to people during work, as opposed to Kumon when it was silent most of the time. It's a pretty good gig.

I finally left for band camp at Westminster in mid-August. It proved to be one of the best experiences of my entire life. It was definitely the best decision I have ever made. If I had to give anyone one piece of advice when going into college, it would be to do band or join something right away so that you meet people and you gain friends before school even starts. Most of my closest friends are in band and I loveeeeeee it. When Ali, my amazing roommate, arrived a week later, it was so great to introduce her to people and Fresh Start was more comfortable than if I had arrived with the rest of the freshmen. The orientation week was crazy, but it ended with the absolute most amazing dance of my life: the Reggae dance. So amazing.

Since then, life has kind of been one big whirlwind. I Eta Pi came into play early in the semester and I was soon finding my place at WC. I love it so much and I love the fact that I still have my constants back at home to keep me grounded.

Some of the highlights from the first semester include: the Gateway Clipper Cruise, the BEST Pirates game of my lifeee, band festivals with Darnelle, Halloween (or rather halloqwwn), ELECTION DAY, clarinet bonding, Family Guy, Rochester visit, and Christmas with I Eta Pi.

Break has been going well so far. Christmas was nice, but somewhat tiring with all the visiting and traveling. It always goes by so fast, it's rather a shame. I rang in the New Year at Aaron's house which was wonderful :)

And nowwww I'm ready to go back to school and really start living 2009! I absolutely cannot wait to see what this semester brings! :) :)

Two thousand and.....nine?

2008-12-29T21:06:00.001-05:00

I don't know if it's just me, but the thought of saying it's "2009" is just strange. I'm pretty sure it's because how much hype 2008 had, especially in my life and those my age. 2008 was a BIGGGG year for me. Looking back at my journal from last year (and I always write something on January 1st), I wrote about how this was the year that I had been "waiting" for, the year I would graduate high school and start a new chapter of my life in college. So many things happened. Crazy musical drama, college decisions, prom, graduation, working at the pool, Cape May, my last year at Camp Lambec, the mission trip to New Orleans, and finally going off to Westminster, where, as predicted, my life has changed drastically. It's kind of like...now "my year" is coming to a close. The year I could totally count on being a good one, or at least a life-altering one, is almost over.
What lies ahead is now both entirely exciting and also scary. It's totally exciting in that I KNOW my spring semester at school is going to be so amazing. How do I know, you might ask? Well, let's see. I have an amazing group of friends, an insanely incredible boyfriend, and a new schedule. I could possibly be joining a sorority. The weather will...eventually...be actual spring. I'm a bird girl in Seussical for Chapel drama. :) Sunshineeee..what could be better?
But it's also scary. Maybe scary isn't the right word. This year has a touch of uncertainty to it. On the way home from my grandparent's house this Christmas, my mom said firmly that that would probably be our last Christmas in Gallitzin. And you know what, I think she might be right. I hate turning this into a depressing post, but the reality is, my grandparents might be here next Christmas. Or if they are, or one of them anyway, I don't think they'll be in that house anymore. (And they shouldn't be now, but we won't get into that) The strangest thing about that is that it's kind of like I've been anticipating (and not happily) that time to come for a few years now. Every New Years I have this feeling in my stomach, wondering, is it going to be this year? So when it does come, I can just imagine the kind of release it will have on the shoulders of my family. If you know my family's situation, you know how much time and stress and worry and everything all of my aunt's and uncle's have been through. I don't want to call it a relief. I don't know what it is. But that's just something that is accompanying what is mostly an exciting plung into the new year.
It's also scary in that what summer will be like. I know that it's only been two weeks of Christmas break and I want to go back to school so badly. I don't know how I'm supposed to go three months without seeing everyone all the time. Luckily, I'm sure to be working (RIGHT, economy?) so that will be motivation to get money for school.
Have you ever been driving in your car and you get REALLY thoughtful, especially when you're listening to the right kind of music? Today, I was driving home from the mall and listening to the new Chris Tomlin cd. I was peering in the rearview mirror at a really long stop light and looking at the people behind me in their car (creeper, I know) and I saw these two Asian women, I'm assuming mother and daughter. And they weren't talking, wrapped up in their thoughts and looking out of their windows. And I wondered what their lives were like. What their relationship was like. And then I thought about the whole concept of cars and how we sit in these things and go places, but how often do we stop and think about the individual IN that car? Maybe their drive today gave them the chance to get away from what's going on in their life. Or maybe it's not getting them where they need to be quite fast enough to solve what needs to be fixed. Or maybe they're traveling to a new place to start a new time in their life. I don't know. It's weird to think about it that way. Or just that every single person in general has a story. They all have something going on in their lives, even if they don't show it. People watching can be so fascinating. Authors sometimes say that's how they get ideas for characters. They watch others and imagine what could be going on with them at home, at the office, with their spouses or children. I don't know. Most likely, you're reading this and thinking, "Okay Marissa, get some more sleep and change your music next time." :)
This is the first year in probably the past 4 or 5 years or so that I won't be celebrating New Years Eve with a big group of my friends. The one farthest back that I can remember was at Tori's house back in 8th grade? Or maybe 9th. Yeah, I think 9th. We all wore sparkly black outfits and somehow Tracy won the contest, even though all she wore was some silver tinsel as a scarf with a black shirt and jeans Hahaa. But it was a good time. I don't know how we managed to keep ourselves entertained in Tori's room the whole time, but we took pictures and had a good time. And then I recall New Years at Brittany's house with the ladies, which included hot tubbing and games. And then Jill hosted two parties at her house, which were both really fun. And this year, it's kind of like a strange situation with everyone back from their separate colleges. Not everyone's kept in touch, people aren't sure who to spend the night with. But this year, I'm spending the night with Aaron and I am soooo excited. I can't wait.
I need to get back into the blogging spirit. Or at least the writing spirit. I hate when I get so busy that I don't write and then I want to write but there's just too much to say. Shannon and I were talking about that the other day...about wanting to write, but having too much to write so you give up all together. But sometimes you just got to pick up, start wherever you are in life, and continue. Yes, you may lose that time in between, but it's worth it if you start writing again, instead of continuing to put it off. Gotta love the writer in you...it causes you to ramble about nonsense, just like I am now! Woo!
I think my problem is that I get distracted whilst I am blogging and end up losing track and just start talking about the stupidest things. And then I stop. Like I am now. So.....kthanksbye! *Anime peace girl* hahahaha ohh man I need a life.

Baby Its Cold Outside: Remix- Brendan Moulton

2008-12-21T00:17:00.000-05:00

I am done with my first semester of college.

Andddd I ended up with a 3.64 GPA. Woop woop. I'll take that. My only B was in Speech. How does that happen? Oh well, whatever Scarvell. No more 7:40 public speaking classes. Heck yes.

This semester has been the best time of my life, hands down. I've grown so much, learned a ton, and gained so many friends and experiences. Every blog post from now until college is over could say about the same thing....how much I love college and what an amazing experience its been so far, and I'm sure that can get rather tiring to read....but tough. :P I love it.

I think Hampton really did prepare me academically for WC. That's kinda always been our thing to say, "Oh well, hmm yes Hampton gets you READY for college!" But it's really true. This whole semester, I kept waiting for the tidal wave of stress and work to come, but it never really did. I'm not going to sit here and tell you that it was all easy and no work at all, because that would be a lie. I had to work hard at points and it was a little crazy towards the end of the semester, but I got through...we all did. I can't thank Hampton enough, or specifically my English teachers (like Mrs. Caporizzo) for teaching me all I know about writing and studying and just getting things done. SOOOO grateful to them.

Christmas is in like four days. I can't even believe that. I think so much excitement for Christmas occurred early at school because it was all we had to get excited about during finals time. And with all of the celebrations at Westminny, like Christmas vespers, it seems funny that Christmas hasn't even happened yet! I'm trying my best to really understand and enjoy the holiday...all of the commercialism and hoopla of the day is so unnecessary now. I really like that "presents" are just not that big of a deal anymore. I guess that happens as you get older. The only sad part about it is the morning you wake up and you don't have that tingling feeling in your stomach as you walk down the stairs to see what "Santa" brought you. Why did Santa get invented in the first place? I love the concept of kids feeling Christmas spirit and learning how to give and be thankful and BELIEVE in something, but why did they have to overshadow the whole reason CHRISTmas is even a holiday. I'm not going to write about how I know the real meaning of Christmas and I know that presents and stockings aren't important and that I know how to truly celebrate--so not true. I'm just like everyone else. I like presents. I like silly holiday movies. I like Christmas music. I like the lights and the decorations. Why do they have to be bad? I guess they don't at all. Where do you find the balance between celebrating Christmas for the right reasons and tying in all the wonderful things about the season that may not necessarily be about those reasons? That is my goal for the next few Christmases.

I don't know how I'm going to be able to stay home until January 19th. Finding a job is LOUSY and probably not going to happen. Amy will be leaving early January. Karen, Megan, and Craig all have high school. What the heckkk am I going to do?? I'm going crazy not seeing my Westminster friends. We all need to get off our lazy butts and DRIVE to see each other. Easier said than done, but hopefully there will be a reunion or two.

So I should probably go to bed. But one thing I neeeeed to add: I have an incredibly amazing boyfriend. :) :) :) :)

Walking in a Winter Wonderland....aka Room 208

2008-12-01T23:41:00.000-05:00

It is officially December today, which is absolutely crazy. I am approaching the last two weeks of my first semester of college. My life has radically changed in a mere four months. That's it. Four months. Yet everything in my world has been turned upside down and dramatically altered so that my thoughts, conversations, events, classes, friends have all shifted from Hampton to Westminster.
It's kind of a weird paradox though because there are things that stay exactly the same. When I go home, Hampton always looks exactly the same when you come off the turnpike. There might be a new store here and there, but it has the same feeling. Maybe that's what home is like though. It remains the constant in the changing world around it. What is also the same is church. I anticipated going back to HPC since I hadn't been able to make it there for about three months, but yet when I got there, it was pretty much like nothing had really changed. Yes a few people recognized me and asked me about school, but it was almost like I never left (I even had to tell Bob-O where Katherine was at bells...like he should know more than me, it's not like I haven't been there since August or anything....) And of course, though it is highly evident that I don't belong back at Hampton High School, one thing that I am forever grateful that has remained a constant in my life is my best friends back at home. Keeping in touch with them and picking up exactly where we left off when I'm back is so incredibly nice.
So anyway. Life has been really good lately. I have a lot of reasons to smile right now. For one, Thanksgiving break was wonderful because I saw family I haven't seen in years and for the first time in a longgg time we were all together. Second, when snow first fell at WC, a wave of happiness and excitement spread over the campus, especially in my hall. We were instantly revived from the monotony of a blah fall and thrown into the excitement of what winter brings. I really hate the cold sometimes, but snow makes me happy when it's sparkly and sunny out and perfect for playing in. Ali and I have been listening to Christmas music constantly and we decorated our room with lights and covered our door with the "25 men of Christmas" (compliments of Rachel Perry) With an i eta pi gift exchange coming up and Christmas break coming faster than ever, there's so much holiday spirit going around.
Another reason why I can smile: my friends. I cannot explain how blessed I am. My best friends at home, and my loves at Westminny...if I could have everyone together at the same time, I would explode with happiness.
Oh, and there's one more reason why I keep smiling so much...but I don't need to give that one away :) I am anxious to see what the coming weeks bring.

I'm not quite sure what I intended to do or say with this post. I feel like I haven't said much of anything at all in quite a few words. Can't believe the first semester out of a total of eight is over. Can't believe Christmas is coming and that I am going to be home for FIVE WEEKS. Ohhh, do I need a job.

Okay, sleep time, my favorite :)

Fall, already?

2008-09-23T23:21:00.000-04:00

I can’t even begin to tell you how crazy it is that it’s already officially fall. It’s late September and I’ve been in college for over a month. I feel like I’ve been here for so long and I’ve changed so much in such a short amount of time. I’m still the same me, yet different. It’s a weird feeling.

I LOVE college. I love it so incredibly much. I love Westminster. I love my roomie, Ali. I love I Eta Pi (my “forority”). I love being done with classes by 11 A.M. (with the exception of band and German). I love making my own decisions about everything, having the power to choose, and learning from the things I do. I love talking to my friends at home and at other schools. I love writing letters and (though rarely) getting things in the mail. I love band, even though rehearsals are tedious and time consuming. I love being silly. It’s all been such a good thing for me, a great change in my life.

I hate to be the stereotypical teen that goes away to school and comes back all like “I LOVEEE college so freaking much! High school is soooo retarded. Lalala Just wait until you go to school, just wait till you’re as awesome as me in COLLEGE. Yay college! Oh em geeee.” You know what I mean. I try my best not to do that. To my H.S. friends, please tell me if I’m ever like that.

I’ve definitely changed since I’ve been here. Even after one week of band camp, I realized it. Band camp was such a great experience. It was a breath of fresh air after Hampton band the past four years. People just listened and did what they were told, and got things done. And guess what? We still had a blast. I had mandatory fun activities every night, but they were sooo much fun. I wouldn’t have wanted to go into college any other way. My friends there are just incredible. I was able to get situated and comfortable before everyone and meet so many people. Once everyone else came, it was weird that we had to do the whole meeting people process all over and have to repeat your name, major, and where you’re from many many times. Eventually though, time passed and we got past all of the crazy beginnings. I remember talking to Brian and he pointed out that I was not the girl he took on the mission trip just weeks before. I reread the post previous to this one and while I LOVE the realization I came to on that trip, I knew I wasn’t that girl anymore. I’ve started the process of becoming the woman I’m supposed to be. I can’t really pinpoint everything that’s different, but I know I’ve learned the little things—like living with someone, compromising, time management, making my own decisions, learning from mistakes, taking control of my life. It’s exciting and crazy all at the same time.

This change was evident when I went home for the first time, for a Friday night. I also don’t remember/am too busy to call my parents very often, which I feel horrible about. That in itself says I’ve changed. But anyway, when I went home, I went to the Hampton football game and when I went down to see the band, I saw how horribly restricted they are. How they endure (how we endured) being controlled with everything. When to sit down, go to the bathroom, what to wear, how to do this and that, when you can get up to get pizza or talk to your friends, just wow… During it, I always complained, but I didn’t realize how bad it was until now. I give major props to my senior friends for continuing to go through this. You WILL get by. It just sucks. Haha.

I hate the fact that I haven’t been able to write. Life has been sooo tiring and busy that I barely have time to sleep or relax, much less write about everything that has been going on. I’m exploding with things to say, but I know so much has happened that I don’t even know where to start. The beginning seems appropriate, but I know that so many things have changed even from that first day. It’s ridiculous. Even now, it’s quite late and I have a 7:40 class tomorrow, but I finally sat down (and the internet isn’t working. Again.) and decided to write SOMETHING.

I am finding it difficult to keep myself accountable for my faith. I try my best to go to church every Sunday, but I haven’t gone the past THREE weekends. I feel awful about it. And the times I have gone, I’ve been so tired. I need to remember what is important and work around that, instead of the other way around. Additionally, I’ve started going to Seekers, which is kind of like a youth group here. So far, that has been pretty helpful, but I still don’t know a lot of the people there, so I’ve been doing a lot of listening (which is good, mind you) but not a lot of participating in discussion or anything. But it’s still pretty cool. Also, I joined gospel choir! It is AWESOME. I love it. It’s so laid back and wonderful. I feel like I can praise God most when I sing, so it’s a great opportunity to incorporate faith with something I love to do. Yesterday, we performed at Victory Baptist church in Ohio and it was crazy. The church was HUGE and it literally felt like I was at a concert. I felt God’s presence, but again, I was exhausted so I found it really difficult to let it fill me up. I need to start taking care of myself more so that I can do the things that are important to me. I also really need to dedicate time to talk with God and read the Bible, something that I’ve always had trouble with. But I need that, especially here, among all of the crazy things going on. Life is so nuts, but He’s the only way I can find calm among the chaos. Remembering that during the day is tough though. I hope I can work on that…

Well there’s more I’d like to say, but I have to remember the importance of sleep and the fact that I have class in the morning. More WILL come later, I promise! (Don’t know when…haha)

***I wrote this yesterday and already so many things have happened, but those will come later...

The Woman at the Well

2008-08-04T23:29:00.000-04:00

I have read and heard the story of the Woman at the Well (John 4) countless times. I enjoy the story and feel pretty confident that if I had to talk about it, I could. I can't say that about too many stories in the Bible. This week on the mission trip, TEAMeffort made its focus around this passage and discussed all of the "wells" that humans commonly draw from and how only the living water that God provides will stop our thirst.

During my week in New Orleans, the worship time was interesting, but I didn't feel like I gained too much knowledge from it. I already knew this story. I knew that the woman seeked something that she clearly could not receive from the many husbands she had and definitely not from the people around her. She was an outcast of outcasts. She felt more alone than anything and thirsted for fulfillment that it seemed no one could provide for her. Jesus, a Jew, appearing at the well and even talking to her was a big deal. And then knowing all of her deep thoughts and understanding her situation (not talking down to her). It's no wonder that the woman is filled with hope and joy. Here God was, promising the love and belonging that she had so desperately longed for. The passage ends with her spreading the joy and faith she had to people in the town and how they came to find it themselves, not just from her, but from Jesus himself.

We discussed a lot about what our "wells" were. What things do you constantly draw from but always fall short? Most of us strive for acceptance. Longing for people to like you and admire you. Katherine shared that one of her wells is wanting to be the most important person in someone's life. I realized in that moment that that's exactly one of my wells. I am a needy, clingy person. I long for closeness and intimacy with people. I want to feel special. I want to feel loved and desired. I pour my heart and soul into things, into relationships.

This whole time...this whole trip...I let that become my focus. I wanted to talk to people about things other than "on-the-surface" and feel connected to someone. Realizing the well I had been drawing from became my focus, instead of realizing that this well is NOT the well I should be drinking from. It was almost like I was diving into an understanding of myself and then stopping short of what God was trying to explain to me. That it's not something I should be focusing on.

I may have had some sort of understanding of this. Of knowing it wasn't the right well. I said it to myself and I knew it wasn't. But it didn't really hit me too hard at the time. The whole week I was searching for a mountaintop experience, thinking that I would find God so easily through the work I was doing, or the songs I was singing, or the talks I was listening to. As John pointed out one night (one of the other things that stuck out to me, throughout a mostly non-informative week, if that makes any sense), sometimes we get sucked into these polluted wells. They aren't necessarily bad things at all--going to youth group, camp, or even mission trips. They turn into bad water when you begin to worship the camp, the experience, the activity, and not the God that is behind all of that. That brought me back to when James explained at camp that our problem there is often singing because it sounds beautiful, not because of the worship behind it. It was such an eye opener right there and it smacked me right in the face. For so long, six years in fact, I have literally worshipped Lambec. I use it and expect a big learning experience. It's hard to understand that even if you don't get overwhelmed during worship that it doesn't mean it's not working or important. Anyway, so as John explained this, I started to feel better that I hadn't really felt too much that week. The lessons were interesting, but very much on the surface and things I felt I already knew, minus a few points.

I didn't fully grasp that God was really reaching out to me this week until just a few moments ago. I came away from this trip feeling really interesting. The week was an emotional roller coaster: I laughed a LOT and I also cried at least 4 times. I felt upset and disappointed over some things and really happy and excited about others. It seemed like every expectation any of us had didn't happen or occurred way differently than expected. New Orleans itself was a lot different than any of us had imagined.

When I came home, I realized how truly awesome the trip had been. Isn't that how things usually happen? I find that almost all of high school was like that where you realize how great something was after the fact whereas during it, you feel like somethings weird or not as fun as it could be. But with that, I also realized how I truly messed up. I really hate admitting I do things wrong or that I have issues. But I do. I have problems. This main problem ties back into me seeking that strong relationship with someone. This week, I let that be my focus and I got carried away. I became almost scary, I guess you could say. I tried way too hard and it ended up burning me in the end. When I came to this conclusion (with the honest help from someone) I felt sick to my stomach. How did I let that happen? Why am I like that? What if I scare people away at school? What if I put my heart into something and get REALLY hurt? I'm the type of person that wears their heart on their sleeve and offers it to the person that I feel like I can trust and care about. When I thought about this, I felt awful and dumb and really stupid. I felt like I wasted a week in New Orleans on a mission trip by being so preoccupied about things and trying to seek a connection. I felt like I ruined something great. (and I also made a really big deal about it....like I'm doing now) It just hit me...hard.

So as I was lying in bed, I called out to God. I need you God. I prayed that He would come in and change me, so that I would instead be an instrument of His love. And as I spoke to Him out loud, I realized...HE is the person that I can find this true fulfillment with. I'm like the woman at the well. I constantly thirst for acceptance, love, closeness with someone and as much as I seek it in others, I always felt like I wanted more. And for all the times I read that passage and heard it this week, it actually hit me that God had been trying to teach me that all week! He's been here the whole entire time. He wants to be that close with me. He loves me and knows every dream, goal, hope of mine and every pain, struggle, and worry that I've ever had. He is the closest I can ever get to anyone. And like the woman at the well, I really wanted to talk about it. I originally thought to wait until tomorrow to write (considering I have to be up really early tomorrow for work), but I couldn't contain it. Even if no one reads this, or if they do and all they think is how I really have been a creeper, or better yet, if they realize they have been drawing from the wrong wells too...I want people to know that that "living water" business that He talks about is real. I've heard it so many times, but it's hit home to me now. You will always thirst for something more until you sip that living water that God provides. It's such an awesome analogy, in my opinion. People often feel such a sense of loneliness, even in a crowd of people or among a group of people they love around them, but only when they find that God can and will take away their thirst for more will they stop.

I know it's going to take a long time for me to really grasp and understand this, but I'm so incredibly happy that God used this trip to explain this to me. I came away slightly disappointed from the trip, that I spent nine days and came away feeling sick to my stomach about my actions and thoughts, but now I am happy that I was actually able to learn something REAL. I go to these camps and retreats and trips and I am taught things, valuable things, but rarely does it ever hit you hard in the face, so much that you realize that God has been poking you this whole time and you've finally woken up.

As much as I'm sad that I let myself get to the point of weirdness and clingyness, it had to happen for me to understand it all. It's such a vulnerable time in my life, with college less than two weeks away. It's my time to become the person I want to be and who God wants me to be. I want Him to fill me up and change me. I don't want to be so needy. I don't want to be afraid. I don't want to shy away from telling people how I feel or if I'm upset about something. And God knows this.

We were asked to write down on a card what had changed about us this week. I was worried all week that I couldn't find an answer. After an emotional worship that night, I was able to write something down. Something at the time that I felt was pretty good. But, now this is really what changed. What I wrote, I think I already knew in my heart.

So I have less than six hours before I'm supposed to get up for work, but I don't care. I'm realizing more and more as time passes how awesome God is and that while I still have so far to go, I'm happy that I'm learning. I will definitely write later about the actual trip and some other things that have been on my mind, but for now, I must sleep. (Or read Breaking Dawn. Hmm...)

Deny Yourself, Take Up Your Cross, and Follow Me

2008-07-21T23:47:00.000-04:00

God is good.
I am so pleased I decided that I had to go to Lambec just one last year. My parents told me no after last year and that being my most incredible year to date, I was not going to let that happen. I agreed to pay for it myself (and the mission trip..but luckily that was part of my graduation present instead..) and registered and a year later, this past week, I walked (literally...thanks to the flooded vale) into that camp and felt like I was at home again. It felt completely normal, comfortable.

I was in cabin 8 again, the senior "Grove City Cottage." I roomed with Amy and Leila and across the hall was Megan, Karen, Anna, and Andrea, and the other two rooms were Nicki, Kate, and Emily and Mackenzie, Rachel, Melissa, and Jena. Complete with Adrienne and Kristen as our counselors, I can easily say it was the best cabin I've ever been in and the most bonded cabin ever. We all knew each other from the past, but we grew closer than ever this week. I would have to say that was the very best part of this year.

At dinner time, we sang grace and the room flooded with amazing harmony--my favorite sound in the world. It is so fascinating to watch the first year campers' expressions when they hear the first note in choir practice. You fill up with such amazement and surprise that yes you are helping to create that perfect sound. Harmony is the perfect word, whoever decided to name the fusing of chords that create such a wonderful and fulfilling sound. Besides musical, I don't really get to experience singing with a four-part harmony choir and I love it. It's dangerous at times at music camp, because often times you find yourself wanting to sing praise songs because it sounds beautiful, not because you want to worship the Lord. But because you are surrounded by God's love and continuous learning, you find yourself really into the song because of its power and words.
My cabin became some sort of a legend this year. Well, in fact, our group of super seniors and seniors were really incredible. We all bonded and set a great example for the younger campers. It was difficult at first because so many people that mean so much to this camp were not there this year. It definitely threw us off at first, but we were determined not to let that affect what turned out to be an awesome week. In that loss, we made up for it in closeness with one another. Throughout the week, cabin 8 wanted to leave our mark for years to follow. We ended up winning Quietest Cabin the first night (NOT planned and NOT happening ever again) and we somehow won the scavenger hunt on Tuesday night. We decided to go Polar Bear swimming on Wednesday morning, which ended up being very epic considering Lake Erie isn't really water. It's really mud and seaweed, only it actually feels like you're swimming in poop and vomit. No joke. It's probably the grossest thing I've ever felt in my life.

Then as we entered, we started losing our shoes...But we made it in anyway, seaweed, mud, and sharp rocks, and all! After that, we ran into the vale to "Eye of the Tiger" and that was fun. Wednesday also included much domination at the Olympics (can you say me and Leila, co-champions of Simon Says?) except maybe tug of war against cabin 7...but we won't mention that. Or the balloon volleyball. Or beach volleyball. Or stick toss. BUT ANYWAY, the night ended with a rousing game of Capture the Flag that went all too quickly and without dancing music, in which Amy and I ended up having more fun joining Karen and Tiffany on the side playing Mad Gab.

Tuesday and Thursday nights were very memorable from club. Tuesday they put on a drama that can be seen here (only with different people, of course, not at camp). I have seen this before, online, and I think at camp in the past (not quite sure), but it was really powerful this time. In our drama, they had the counselors doing it, who are a bit older and more believable than in the youtube one. I know they got their idea from the movie clip though, so credit definitely goes to them. However, it felt so much more real when it was performed right in front of you. Kacie, someone I knew well, was the girl in the drama, and despite that, I felt so deeply for her. In fact, it probably added to the feelings because I felt like she, a friend, was going through all of those situations...temptation, greed, vanity, depression, and then trying to fight so hard to get to Christ. I don't know why it affected me so much more this time around. Maybe because those things are very common for people my age...sins that can curl around you and yank you away before you realize it. In the end, you leave hopeful, knowing that despite all of the obstacles you can face, you CAN overcome it with God's help.
Thursday night's drama was a change. We all expected the usual "Total Eclipse of the Heart" or the one where the girl dances with Jesus. But instead, they wanted it to end on a more hopeful note. They started off with Jay, dressed as Jesus (he is perfect for the role) and carrying his cross in. He saves people from their sin and cured their deformities (such as blindness) and they begin to nail their sins and burdens to the wooden cross on slips of paper. We had all received our own paper earlier in the night and were told to write down the thing that is stopping us the most from our relationship with Christ. We were invited, one by one, to come outside and nail ours to the cross before separating to each side of the vale. This one didn't affect me as much, until I thought out about it more. I was crying because it was my last club time ever at camp, my last night...but they carried out this cross, heavy with all of the things that hurt us, that keep us away, and they put it in the center of the vale, lighted by flashlights. It was such a reminder and as we thought about it, a hopeful symbol. No matter what that is, God will overcome it. He won't ever leave us. All we have to do is deny ourselves, take up our crosses, and follow Him.

I was also fortunate enough to see Brooke Annibale perform for us on Thursday. Brooke, a 20 year old from Pittsburgh, has been performing with Jeremy for quite some time, and she just released her third album, The In Between. She was fantastic. She has such a unique, laid-back, meaningful sound. It was just her on acoustic and Jeremy on bass, which was perfect. I've listened to part of her cd with the full band and it still sounds great. I completely and encouragingly recommend you check her out. It seemed only perfect that her album talked about this "in between" stage in her life...when she was going into college and leaving her home. Just what I'm about to go through. I'm anxious to get her CD and look into the lyrics. It was a great concert.

Bible study this year was absolutely awesome. Every year, bible study isn't that exciting and I usually wish I am taking a nap instead, but this year I really looked forward to it every day. The first day of it was like previous years, but as the week went on, our discussions grew more and more interesting. Interesting to the point where we were late for band (oh DARN.) and wished we could talk much longer. One of our topics of discussion that I have no idea how we got to was about how do you live a life for Christ in the every day activities? Like when you go to work or you're writing a paper, your brain automatically checks into that mode and God is not even a thought until you are finished (that is, unless you are praying to get it over with). You compartmentalize your life and your brain switches for each function and task. We thought of it like going from math class to English...you automatically change gears. It's like going from the work week to Sunday morning. Even if you might have bible study mondays or youth group on another day, what other time do you have for God? It's so difficult to make time for Him when you know you have to get things done right now. Sometimes you get into that mode where you know He can wait. You have to write this paper now, you have to get this practice going. As often as you say you will try to remember Him during your every day life, it is so much easier said than done. And how do you let people know of His love at work or school without having to talk about it or preach down their throats? We believe it's a great deal about your attitude and you do things. I think it's common belief that people realize that a smile can change someone's day, but what else can you do? It was great being able to soak it all in and the best thing was that we didn't always have answers. I find that a lot of times at church or in bible study, questions are asked that we kind of already know the answers too. And then we get stuck in this rut and never move forward because a lot of things are repetition from common knowledge or things we already know or can figure out from the stuff around us. I absolutely love James and Katie, our bible study leaders. They offered us such a great hope at the end because they made it known how available they are to us. To our questions, our curiosity, our friendship. They plan on sending us emails a few times a month to keep tabs on us and hope that we can all stay in touch and ask questions and share things with each other. One of the most touching parts of the week was our last bible study when Katie wanted to pray over me and Alec (who were the only super seniors in our B. study) for our journey into college and everyone had their hand on our shoulders. I don't think I've ever been specifically called out in a prayer like that and it gave me great comfort and excitement knowing I had support. Not just from God, but from this family I have (and not just at home).

The music this year was really meaningful. I hope to get the CD very soon. (Joy in the House by Phil Barfoot)

I know this post is very lengthy and it is really late and I have to get up at 6 AM for work tomorrow, but I really wanted to capture this week. I feel like I could still talk forever. I'm learning so much, but I hate that now I'm home, it feels back to how it was. I don't want that. I want to be changed. But more of that later...

Eat, Pray, Love

2008-07-09T16:17:00.000-04:00

So I am at work right now, at the community center because Bill needed someone, and I have been able to go on the internet (thanks library) and chat during my time here. Which is really nice. But now everyone is away or signed off and I am left alone to my thoughts.

I am thinking so much about Lambec because it's only three days away. I really can't believe my sixth year (!) and my very last as a camper is almost here. I remember the first year I went, going into 8th grade, I didn't understand why I was even going. On the drive up, I was confused why I agreed to spend a week in an unfamiliar place with people that I was only somewhat friends with at the time to play my instrument and sing. I didn't know how much my life was going to change after that week. I realize now that God sent me there, made sure I would be there (after two years of Mr. Cramer asking me to go, I finally gave in) and then introduced this amazing place to me. Since then, I've found it to be one of my very favorite places to be. It's not at all perfect, logistically speaking, but to me, it is. I find immense comfort in watching the sun set over Lake Erie, people strolling along the path, games being played in the vale. I find myself sighing even as I write this. It's hard to explain to people that haven't been there to experience it why it's so wonderful. But the answer is this: it's the people that fill up this amazing place that create this haven. Every year during morning watch, I just look around and feel so blessed. I get away for the week--away from the realities of life and its stresses--and experience the strange mystery that is camp. How can you become best friends with someone you spent just 5 days with? Why do you want to cry when you have to leave? How does one week have the ability to impact your life forever? Life, broken down to its basics is all about meeting people, becoming friends, and interacting. Camp reminds us that everything else is just clutter. The human experience is so healing in itself.

I absolutely love the fact that I have a group of girls that I spent most of my time with at camp. We are a unit, a gang full of laughter and great memories. But I'm realizing, with sadness, that I have missed the opportunity to make better connections with other people. Knowing that some people aren't coming back this year makes me so sad because I feel like I didn't take advantage of the opportunity to make a friend, to share something with someone else. Not to say that I don't do that at all...of course I do. I've met amazing people like Leila, Annette, Nicki, and Kate, and more, but I find myself wishing that I were more...outgoing. Available. Open. Not afraid to randomly strike up a conversation with someone. It's kind of weird. There are people that you know a lot about..how they act, what they are interested in, and because you share an experience like camp with them, you feel like you know them. But in reality, you've only said a few words to each other and you don't really know them at all. I feel like that's my case with a lot of the people.

I'm currently reading a book called Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert and while it's not my favorite book, I'm enjoying it, and it also sheds light on my current situation. The woman, Elizabeth, in the book speaks of her experiences in Italy, India, and Indonesia in the span of a year. In one section, she talks about how while she's not a very "good traveler," she's really good at making friends...like randomly saying hello to someone, striking up a conversation, and becoming friends. I realized that with college so soon, I need to be able to let go of the fear of whatever I'm afraid of and just take the chance and meet someone. This year at camp, I want to be able to bond with my girls AND make connections with other people. I'm hoping I succeed in this because I know it will be an example of what college might be like. Granted, everyone will be looking for friends then and it shouldn't be too hard, but I want to be more comfortable at it.

Life is all about interacting with each other and loving one another. Everything else is just unnecessary stuff that doesn't truly matter. Sometimes you don't realize how valuable a person is to you, how important they are to your life. Shouldn't you try to make connections with more than just those you see every day?

Just some food for thought. :)

Mad Gab

2008-07-06T23:06:00.000-04:00

You should really play Mad Gab sometime. I haven't laughed so hard in such a long time. It all sounds like a foreign language and it's just hilarious.

It's good to be home. My last night on vacation, the fourth, turned out to be the only day to storm, and of course, it was at night. We made it to the beach at night, with a light rain, and they shot off some fireworks, but they were cut short when it actually started to storm with lightning and such. I was disappointed, but very glad I got to see some fireworks. The day itself was pretty good, very relaxed. We went to the beach a little bit later than usual because it was cloudy at first, but then it got very sunny, so that was nice. We went to eat at Stumpo's Italian Restaurant and then proceeded to hang around almost all day. Kim and I "cleaned" a bit and watched Harry Potter 5 and laughed a LOT. I missed our hilarious chats like that. We're really weird, but I love us.

Since I've been home, I got a few college items at Target, had some good conversations at night when I'm supposed to be sleeping, gone to church and Kristi's grad party, and finally to a new bible study, which was fun. And played mad gab with a great group of people. That felt like real summer, and it was nice. Tomorrow starts reality again with work at 7 am, but I am looking forward to the rest of this week and LAMBEC on Sunday. I can't wait for this amazing week.

But as for now, I really got to get some rest.

Independence Day Away

2008-07-03T21:39:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow is the Fourth of July. This is the first year, ever, that I haven't been home in Hampton to be with friends and family and go to the park and watch the fireworks. I was all excited that I was going to experience it at the beach this year, but I have been thinking about all of my friends at the park this weekend and I am actually somewhat sad about it. Not to say I'm not going to enjoy myself on the beach, because I really think it will be awesome, but it's kind of sad..the last fourth before college. But you can't linger on those things, I suppose.

The Fourth is kind of like the weird midpoint of summer. Growing up and in middle school, especially, it was a big deal because it was the first time you saw a lot of your friends that you wouldn't normally hang out with. And everyone looked a little different. But as the years went by, the time between school and the fourth seemed to go by a lot quicker, no one looked much different, and you felt like you just saw everyone. Even the fireworks themselves are much less spectacular. It's kind of sad in a way. What does that say? As you grow up, do these kind of things have less meaning? Or do we just become much more apathetic? Or is it because time continually seems to go faster that the Fourth loses its summer significance? I don't rightly know.

Anywho, it's quite amazing that it's even JULY. I love July. So very much. Best month of summer. It's mostly because my favorite events occur during these 31 days. Camp Lambec, my birthday, my mission trip to New Orleans, Harry Potter's birthday...come on. It's basically amazing. So I absolutely can't wait.

Vacation is coming to a close, sadly. But it will be nice to be back in the Bubble, even if I'm spending most of my time at the pool. haha. Oh boy. Yesterday, Kim and I went to Wildwood with our mums and we went to a waterpark, which was awesomeeeee. And I'm actually slightly burnt on my stomach, which is a first. I don't burn usually. But enough rambling, I'm off to watch girly movies with Kim. Yay!

Spider Solitaire, Elf thugs, and Creepers

2008-06-30T15:18:00.001-04:00

So I have recently become really obsessed with playing Spider Solitaire. I had always known somewhat how to play like normal solitaire, but never gave in to learn completely. I knew you had to go in numerical order and then...well I wasn't quite sure. But since my new Ipod (!) has a version like it, I tried to play but couldn't figure it out, so I attempted Spider and I actually won. I have moved up to two suits now and am playing that until I get the courage to play four suits. Risky, I know.

Anyway, so the beach has been really nice so far. Kim, my cousin, was supposed to be here last night (she went on a school trip to Spain and was supposed to fly into Newark, about three hours from Cape May), but her flight here was cancelled, so instead she flew into JFK and came home to Central PA and my poor Aunt and Uncle drove all the way home to get her. They are currently on their way back and should be here around dinner time! Hooray! As much as I've been enjoying myself, I feel like my vacation won't truly begin until she's here.

As far as what I've actually been doing, since it's me and the parents and aunt and uncle, well, every morning (this is day three, well...technically the second full day) we get up and go the beach. I am very happy to know I'm missing hideous weather at home (tornado watch and storms...sorry guys) and it has been wonderful here. We had a thunderstorm late last night, but it has been very sunny and the breeze is perfect. We stay until about lunch time, come home and get ready and either eat in or go out. Yesterday we had tacos in and today my parents and I went to this place called Boyd's Texas BBQ or something (which I'll talk about later). Then we come home and relax a bit, I play more spider solitaire and read, and eventually we do something like go to the Washington Street Mall (which has a bunch of sweet shops). Last night, we went to Sunset Beach around 7:30 to catch the sunset and collect "Cape May Diamonds" aka rocks. That was really beautiful. I got some really good pictures. We havent' done too much because we want Kim to experience stuff too but we hope to maybe see a dinner show, go the zoo, visit Wildwood, and other such things. So I'm excited.

So, like I said, we ate at Boyd's today. First of all, we pulled into an empty parking lot. We walk in, and it's small and kind of like Messina's maybe, a little bigger, with cowboy decor. We could seat ourselves and they had paper towel rolls for napkins on each table. And also, why does Ketchup say "extra fancy ketchup" on the bottle, as if their brand is much more special because it says extra fancy? What makes it extra fancy? It wasn't in any sort of special bottle. What does the non fancy kind look like? Anyway, so I guess this place was going for a homestyle type of feel. Our waiter...I should say waiterS because apparently some people can't handle a table of three by themselves...was seriously this tall lanky creeper that you could barely understand. And this other dude, some white Italian guy tried to dress as a fancy thug with a studded belt, baggy jeans, and this "driver's cap/ascot hat" that I see my Uncle Carlo or Justin wear (only they don't look stupid). I don't know. He also resembled a short elf too, so the combination was just confusing. Regardless, the food was alright, pretty standard. My dad liked it, but my mom definitely didn't think it was that great. But the fact that all the workers were loudly discussing video games, not even good ones, just dumb ones, and then you couldn't hear/understand our waiters... it was just, I dunno, kinda silly. One of those places you just laugh about later.

On the way home from good ol' Boyd's, we stopped to get gas at a Shell station. As we pull in, there's this overly tanned guy with white hair pulled into a pony tail, stumbling around, talking loudly and my mom was like "Is that guy high?" So we pull into our spot, and we put our windows down because it was hot, and this guy walks up and opens our gas tank. Apparently it's against the law in NJ to pump your own gas? He comes up all creeper and practically leans into our window to take my dad's credit card and tells this stupid joke "Hey, I picked up this girl the other night and I brought her to the beach. She was SO ugly that the tide wouldn't even take her!" At that, my dad was like, and definitely not laughing, "Yeah, I can pump my own gas" and tries to get out of the car, but the guy is like "Nope, it's against the law." So he goes and does that, and of course I roll up my window. I hate creepers like that. Did he think my mom and I, in the car, would appreciate that kind of a joke and laugh? He's walking around while the car is filling up swearing loudly and laughing and just acting like an ass. You definitely wouldn't want to go there as a single woman. It just makes me shudder at the thought of people like that. Who gave him that job? Let me pump my own gas, thank you very much!People are so strange. If you ever go to Cape May and you need gas, don't go to Shell, I guess.

Anyway. On another note, we've been seeing lots of dolphins at the beach, which is awesome. Some kayak-ers went by and they were literally feet away. That would be so amazing.

I am reading book three, Eclipse, of the Twilight series and it is fantastic. Read them, now. Do it.

Well Hello There

2008-06-28T22:02:00.000-04:00

This isn't the first time I've ever blogged before. In fact, I had an "xanga" for all of my high school days (well...I posted up until the beginning of senior year until Facebook added the "notes" feature). But it's been quite awhile since I've really done true blogging. I really enjoy reading blogs and I find some of the topics very interesting. I created this blog with the hopes of being able to get back into recording my life for my own self and also for others to read, but I realized, "What can I talk about that could interest others?" In the past, my blogging had been "today I got up and did this. Then I went to school, which was ok. Then it was band--etc." I understand now that while I will enjoy reading it personally, it doesn't have any sort of substance relevant to others. So, I'm stuck in somewhat of a quandary because at the present moment I am on vacation. This, to me and my friends maybe, would be interesting to document, but what more do I have to offer? Or am I just taking the fun out of blogging? I guess my title really does fit because I do ramble a lot. Brian says I do. But I'm okay with that.

I'm mostly inspired to start this by my one really good friend. She shared her blog with me this past weekend and I was very entertained. Not just because I'm interested in what she is up to, but also her insight and her honest thoughts about some of the things she has been experiencing this week. It is my hope that I can capture that kind of blogging.

ANYWAY, on that note, I intend on posting again later. Farewell for now.